Why do fathers get more praise for parenting than moms?

I’m not looking for praise or anything fancy because being a good mom is the bare minimum I can do for my baby, even on days that we get less tummy time because I’m so tired- showing up, loving and taking care the baby despite whatever emotions pop up is my job and again the bare minimum. My husband and I have been bickering lately and I had my first outing alone while he took the baby up to his families for a social outing and we were both out like 5 hours. I called a few times to check in and he didn’t pick up any of my calls so I mentioned it when we both got home and that made him upset. He made the comment that during the social outing, it was nice to hear from people that he’s “killing the dad thing” and doing a good job. That in turn made me mad because I don’t really have supportive family other than my grandma and I don’t hear that I’m a good mom as often as people praise him. I can’t recall anytime recently that anyone including him have said I’m a good mom. He pushes back on nearly everything I bring up, even simply asking him if he has the baby monitor on we’re downstairs and baby is upstairs is apparently taken as a criticism to him. I’m parenting without my mom who died last year, I don’t have siblings who are super involved in my life and my dad is hands off and concerned with his life mainly. Dads get praise for doing the absolute bare minimum while women are just expected to do what they do every day and it sucks. I’m sure it did feel great hearing that he’s a good dad, I just wish someone would tell me I’m a good mom.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Awww I get it…I’m basically the same as you but I don’t have any of my family involved it’s just his mum and sister and they don’t come much…but I guess people see it as we’re more maternal then men and it comes naturally to most is women where as it doesn’t for more men so I guess people feel the need to comment them more…but hear me when I say your doing an amazing Job mama!!! Dint let anyone tell you differently!! Mother hood is not easy but the fact that we get up every morning and put anything on hold for our babies shows that!!! Your a job mum keep it up ❤️❤️

Keep your personal values & goals you have for your family at the forefront front of your mind.Concentrate on meeting those goals as often as possible.Praise yourself literally when your operating in those & no one will be able to tell you different.Its nice when my significant other acknowledges & tells me I’m being a good Mom!However,I got to a point I had tell myself this little family is what I wanted,so therefore,when I have to do more than my fair share it’s a privilege to have their Dad involved bc some women are having to do by themselves for whatever reason.Im not going to allow minor things steal my joy of raising up this family,taking care of Dad included.

You’re a great mom ! You deserve to hear it more I know it sucks my family is the same way men just get it different than us women, I guess because most women HAVE to step up when they have a kid, society and the absent father have made it whereas men are rewarded for doing what they should’ve all along because of all the crap men.

I agree, it sucks. Women bear the majority of this burden and we often do it silently. It's thankless, and it needs to change, but we do it for our kids. The best we can do is try to raise the next generation to be more appreciative of everything moms do.

For what it's worth, you are a good mom.

in our community

Overwhelmed mama

Hey all,

This is just a rant I apologise in advance and I’m posting anonymously because I’m carrying so much shame for this but I need to say it out loud… being a mama is tough!!!!

Doing it solo since my LO was 6 weeks old and I’ve got so many positives happening right now, a new home I’m decorating and getting ready to move into with my little boy, life should feel lighter. But the to do list, with an 8, almost 9 month old who’s been battling a cold for a week, sleepless nights, grumpy days, I’m burnt out.

I’ve tried talking to my own mum but she questions how I’m going to cope being on my own with him (we are currently at my parents) and when I try to talk to her when I get a little overwhelmed, she responds in ways that highlight why I shouldn’t be struggling and it makes me shut down and say less.

Please tell me I’m not alone having hard days? I’m like a bottle of pop constantly being shook with nowhere to put it, so I’m posting this on here whilst crying on the toilet. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Please be gentle.

BS!

Does anyone else's baby daddy husband boyfriend fiance whatever your with say they'll help take care of the baby will take them for maybe 30 minutes and then let them just start crying untell you come get them or they'll take them for the day and by the time you get the baby back their diapers completely full to the point they've probably been sitting in it for anywhere from an hour to two and they have not changed it and their excuses oh I didn't know or oh they must have just pooped when it is clear they have a diaper rash to the point you know they were sitting in the diaper for over an hour I had to go to a doctor's appointment that took up most of my day on Friday and I came home to my son his diaper completely soaked through him wailing out of hunger and needing his diaper changed and he had a diaper rash so bad it was bleeding in one spot

Drowning in marriage life ..

I been married to my husband for 8 years now, things feel dead . He think it’s okay to disappear after work , be gone all night or even days without contact . He’s done this a handful amount of times .. each time detaching me even more. I have no trust for him so his words mean nothing to me.. he says he’s not wired to be in a marriage .. blames me for how he is and the things he does. Idk what he does when he disappears ..I’m broken for awhile .. tells me he goes to the bar all night or billiards .. idk I don’t believe anything .. he says things stating he doesn’t want to be here but doesn’t want to get a divorce.. claims he does have love for me just like he does his mom and grandma .. he’s just always on his phone through the days and nights when he’s here .. I feel alone and hated . I’ve given and have treated him with so much love and forgiveness.. I feel defeated , stuck , anxious, hurt , lost , and angry . What you you think of this. ? Maybe it’s me , I don’t know how to help or what to do if he’s not willing to put effort into building trust .. or if it’s even worth it considering I don’t feel loved or respected. I feel even that he might be cheating ..😵‍💫

Nursery sign up reminder

For any first time mums thinking of sending their little one to nursery some time between 6months to 2 years, go sign up for the nursery now!!

I'm 19 weeks pregnant and submitted the paperwork for this baby to join the same nursery as my first when I was 15 weeks. Their waiting list is currently over 17 months so they don't have space at my planned return to work time when this baby is 10 months old. This is a small town nursery, I also enquired at my one at work and the wait list was over 24 months.

So just a gentle reminder for anyone thinking of sending their child to nursery, it's never to early to go and look at nurseries and sign your future baby up to one you like.

Nanny/Sitter vs Daycare

Hi moms! I need input. We currently have had a sitter for 2 months but feel like it gets expensive some weeks almost $1000. The day care is $400 week. I want to continue to work but with cost it’s starting to not make sense. We are considering a home daycare the lady has a 2nd child a few months older than my son. She has cameras but we won’t have access unless an incident occurs. Do we stay with the sitter and bite the bullet with cost or daycare where he can socialize and I feel learn from the observing. Keep in mind I get to work remote 3days so I get to be with him and BF. I only pump 1-2 days out of the week. I’m nervous being away so long I’ll lose my supply. If we go with daycare it’d be 5x week I can’t work with him yelling in the back.

I know it’s a lot just wondering what you guys are doing with them being this age.

Scary/thriller book

I’m making my son’s teacher a Halloween bag and I was thinking of putting a book in there. Does anybody have suggestions on a good book? That’s maybe scary or thriller? I don’t know if she enjoys reading but I figured I’d find a really good book that has her hooked so she’ll read it!