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Peanuts 🥜 Bad Moms Club 🥰🤣

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I’m looking for advice because I feel emotionally drained over an ongoing situation with brother in laws gf. From the beginning, I genuinely tried to build a good relationship with her because we’re both part of the same family and our kids are cousins. At first things seemed okay. We would talk, go out occasionally, and there were moments that made me believe we were building a real bond. For example, she once invited me out and another time when she and my brother-in-law were separated she took me and my mother-in-law shopping for my daughter’s birthday. Around that same period we actually started getting very close. We would vent to each other about personal things and it felt like our relationship was finally improving and becoming more genuine. Because of that, I truly believed we were building a sister-in-law bond and I gave her the benefit of the doubt about any past tension.

During that time when she and my brother-in-law were separated, I was actually there for her emotionally. They had already had a very toxic relationship history with a lot of arguing and instability, and at one point my in-laws had basically ended up raising their first child for a period of time because of how chaotic things were between them. My relationship with my partner has never been like that. When she went through that separation I supported her and didn’t judge her. Around that same period she ended up getting pregnant again after about five years of having her first baby. When she moved back into the house later on, I tried to continue being supportive and respectful of her situation. After she had the baby, I even helped take care of him at times because that’s just the kind of person I am. I thought we were building a genuine bond and that things between us were improving.

However, later on I ended up seeing messages that really changed how I viewed everything. In those messages she described being “forced” to be polite with me, which hurt because during that same time I believed we were getting along sincerely. In other messages she told my brother-in-law that I made it seem like I talked a lot with my mother-in-law and that I was basically trying to brag about my relationship with her. She also said things implying that I made it seem like I had some special relationship with their mom and that I was showing that off. Seeing that was confusing to me because I never viewed my relationship with my mother-in-law as a competition or something to brag about. At the same time, I also saw messages where she claimed that my partner had talked badly about his own brother and even said things like he called him broke. From my perspective those things were gossip and lies about my partner’s character.

After seeing those messages, I started distancing myself from her and became colder than usual. That reaction was actually very unlike me because normally I try to keep peace and get along with people, but what I saw made me uncomfortable and it made me feel like the relationship wasn’t genuine. There was also an earlier situation that may have created tension between us when I was pregnant and my brother-in-law helped take me to an appointment. I believe resentment may have started building from that situation even though I never intended to cause issues between anyone.

At one point I eventually confronted her and asked directly if she had a problem with me. She seemed surprised that I even brought it up and denied having an issue with me, but the tension has continued. Sometimes she acts distant around me, and there have been moments where if I interact with her child she quickly removes the child and takes them somewhere else. Recently there was another big argument involving her and other family members, and now I feel like I’m being blamed or that people think I’m putting ideas into my husband’s or brother-in-law’s heads when that’s not the case. I’ve simply spoken about how I felt.

What makes this harder is that she often says she has changed, that she doesn’t argue with people anymore and that she just minds her business and focuses on her own family. I respect anyone who wants to grow and change, but from my perspective the things I’ve seen and experienced don’t always reflect that. Sometimes it feels like the only difference now is that she doesn’t argue the same way with my brother-in-law anymore, but the underlying tension with others is still there.

She has also said before that she doesn’t really care about friendships and mainly focuses on her own family now. I respect that everyone has different priorities, but I’m someone who genuinely values sisterhood and family bonds. I truly cared about building that relationship with her and tried for a long time to give her the benefit of the doubt. At one point we were getting closer and I thought we were moving in a better direction, which is why everything that happened afterward hurt even more.

Now I’m at a point where I’m questioning whether she ever genuinely liked me or if everything between us was just forced politeness. I don’t want constant tension, especially when our kids are growing up around each other and will continue to be around each other for years. At this point I’m trying to figure out if it’s even worth trying to fix the relationship anymore or if the healthiest option is to keep my distance and focus on protecting my peace and my own household.