MIL - Smoking

Sorry for the long one 😬

Before my little girl was born we set boundaries with family and one of those boundaries was around smoking cigarette’s. My MIL smokes and we told her in August 2024 before my daughter was born that December that the house smelling of smoke and her smoking in the house would be an issue when it came to wanting to visit and we didn’t want 2nd or 3rd hand smoke around the baby. She was very apologetic at the time, which she didnt need to apologise. We werent asking her to stop just that if the house was to have smoke in then we wouldnt be able to visit and the visits would be at our home. She was very adamant that she wanted to stop smoking in the house and get the house smoke free. Fast forward to when my daughter was born, she then admitted she’d been smoking in the house so we never really broached the subject on visiting her house. A good few months went by and she started to talk to my BIL behind our back saying that she wanted my daughter to stay overnight with her and to visit her and how she was upset that we hadnt visited her house. Bear in mind my house is a open house, she can come whenever she wants and I made it clear. My partner told her what the issue was and explained about the smoke smell and it wad like she just thought about her own feelings rather than think about my daughter and the risks with 2/3rd hand smoke. Fast forward to 15 months and the BIL
Is now mentioning conversations he has been having with her and shes been asking him when does he think we will allow my daughter to stay at her house.
It annoys me and upsets me because shes had so much time to make it a smoke free home and I feel like if she really wanted my daughter over she’d try make a better effort.

Now my partner is considering what we can do to get this moving but in all honesty, I dont feel comfortable going to her house or her looking after my daughter. She cant go without cigarettes for a few hours.

Has anyone else experienced this? And if so how have you handled this?

Any advice is appreciated 💜

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Can’t she smoke outside? It makes the place smell horrible!
Unfortunately I live with my (smoking) MIL, and she seems to think it’s ok to smoke in her bathroom (this bathroom is the only one with the shower in it)
What also bugs me is her idea of washing her hands before picking up my baby is to rinse her fingers under water! Makes me so angry and because of this I rarely let her hold him!

Sorry I can’t help but I definitely understand and agree with you!
You need to stand your ground and say she’s not visiting a Smokey environment!

I'm smoking but never into my house.I literally go outside when I want to smoke my husband too because I don't want my child to live in house who smells cigarettes. Very simple. Your mother in law wants to keep your child in her home but can't stop smoking in the house? That sounds crazy to me .. reasonable that you don't want your child to stay at hers.

in our community

When do things get easier?

As we entered the 9-12 month stage, my son started crawling and pulling himself up. He also became more clingy and does not play alone, still doesnt sleep through the night, and this week has been sick (so EVERYTHING amplified). I am tired and overwhelmed. Please lie and tell me things get better. 🥺

Colostrum storing?

Has anyone successfully extracted colostrum before the baby’s born? Apparently it gets produced from 16w pregnant and you can start storing it in the freezer but I’m 34w looking at my nipples and the syringes on amazon wondering how it works?? Like what did you use and did it hurt? 🥲

Dummies🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Has anyone got any tips on how to GET RID of dummies😂🤦🏼‍♀️ my little girl is obsessed and i have no idea where to start!!

Self settling

Any tips or advice of how to teach 6.5month old to self settle? I’m up multiple times in the night to cuddle her back to sleep and put the dummy in. I understand she will wake up and want a cuddle etc but any tips on self settling would be appreciated 🥰

Hi ya'll

Is anyone else's 4 month old randomly screeching now? I'm not sure what to do and she's been doing this for the past two days. She's usually a quiet happy baby so im not sure why she's doing this now. Aby suggestions?

Baby losing weight

Hi all, it's been a long time since I had a baby (my son is 15!). My daughter is 10 days old and was 9lb born, she has since lost weight at every appointment and is at a 12% loss. I am breast feeding every two hours for over an hour and topping her up every feed. I pump and can get 60ml in 10 minutes so I know my supply is okay. Anyone had this before? Can give me some tips? I currently feel like I'm letting my baby down.