Husband is depressed and says he’s falling in and out of love and has left our home (we have 2 kids)
This is an incredibly long story but it starts with childhood trauma. Then mother problems as an adult. Losing his job & having to get help from family to pay bills. I started seeing a loss in drive at the time of losing his job & he had a hard time trying to find a new one because of lack of confidence. We had marital problems due to my postpartum depression & weight gain. Then he got a new job this January & February was the best month ever. Lots of sex lots of laughter and fun & just happiness. All of a sudden he isn’t in love with me anymore. His hobby is slowpitch softball & he said he has drowned himself in softball due to not wanting to come home. Never seeing the kids before bed. Being gone all day at work. Never being around in the evenings. He says home doesn’t feel like home and he’s miserable. We don’t have a bad relationship. We communicate well, we don’t argue or yell. We talk through disagreements. We have the same values. I’ve never been unfaithful even though he has done plenty that I’ve had to forgive. He has gone as far as saying he wants to separate & he has gone to stay elsewhere leaving me with our 2 kids. We’ve been together 11 years. He says this has been going on for 2-3 years but never said anything even though we’ve had ups & downs. I truly feel like he’s depressed but won’t admit it and won’t get therapy or any professional help. He says he needs time to decide if he wants a divorce or if he want to work on things. If I am sure he’s depressed & hes going to ruin this family how can I help him not make the wrong decision. Can I give him an ultimatum? If he wants to come back he needs help? If he wants a divorce he needs help first before I sign papers? He’s said so many hurtful things to me but I want to believe that it’s just the depression talking & the depression telling him he doesn’t care because he does care. I know this Is just a very small portion of everything but any advice?
Read more on PeanutThe views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
My first question do you know if he's having an affair? Even if it's not a physical affair with someone else is it an emotional one. Many times this can lead a man to be unhappy with their wives because you cannot love two people at once. You can grow to like one and hate the other. Write out your feelings and schedule a time for you to sit down together for him to listen and maybe have him do the same. Both of your decisions to separate or divorce tears apart your family unit forever and your relationship will never be the same and or your children's. I'm Christian and so is my husband. We made a covenant with God and breaking that agreement with him hurts Him more than me. Death do is part or until someone is unfaithful, walks away from the Lord and you don't (abandonment of the unbelievabing spouse of the Lord). Falling out of love is not an option and one has to grow up out of this false belief. Marriage is a commitment, not FEELINGS. This is the Christian perspective. Do as you must!
He feels like less of a man obviously, so many men make their career the epitome of their being.
Download the Peanut App
