First Mother’s Day

I feel like such a bad person for this & I’m not looking for sympathy or anything but yesterday was going so well and than I got really emotional and upset because my partner done everything special he could have done but he didn’t even put a few lines in a card from my baby for my first Mother’s Day card..
He said that because there was lots of writing in the card he didn’t realise that it would have hurt or upset me so bad but it did.. I let it affect me alot more than I feel like it should have but I LOVE sentimental things I love little things like that, meaningful stuff. Especially being my first Mother’s Day that I’ve dreamt of all my life..
There is a big age gap between me and my partner and also he’s Italian so maybe he didn’t realise but I just feel so goddam shit about it. Like I ruined MY day..
I spent the day all on my own with my baby at my mums house instead of with my partner bc of me reacting the way I did and I just felt like I toke it so wrong..
I feel I can’t forgive myself for this and I am the type of person to keep thinking about the situation even if my partner says everything’s okay. I beat myself up about it so badly and in such a low mood for it. Even today and yesterday has passed😞
Maybe this may help getting it off my chest and writing it down but how can I seriously live with myself from this? What can I do better?
I’m such an awful person I know😫😫

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Apologize ? Then explain why you feel the way that you .. which it’s still valid .. you feel how you feel . Kiss , makeup , move along

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When you say there’s a big age gap between you, could it be his old skool generation mindset that is contributing to any of this “not listening to me”? Eg if he’s in his 50s, a lot of the Gen X-er men are quite emotionally unavailable.

Spending the day with your mum was extreme. Do you normally overreact, or is this indicative of a wider problem of you not feeling like you are being heard?

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4 months PP is a fragile time. From what I recall i cried and was very hormonal on our first mothers AND fathers days 🥲 I remember sobbing on my husband’s first father’s day saying I had ruined his day and now I don’t even remember what I supposedly did to ruin it.

If you and your partner have a loving relationship I promise you will laugh about this one day. You are not an awful person.

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If it helps my husband has never gotten me a Mother’s Day card.
In his family mothers/Father’s Day, birthdays and Christmas don’t really get celebrated. The only one that has most attention is Christmas and that’s only half a day.

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This is such an emotional and sensitive time... One min you feel happy and the next something small is setting you off spiralling! Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself, explain to your partner you're just struggling with emotional regulation right now and this is completely normal post partum, he will understand. You just need a bit of time and patience and understanding that sometimes you might overreact and be overly sensitive but it won't last forever!

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I've finally done it

I have finally done it. I have finally become the trope, the stereotype.

I have become bitter, resentful, and very overwhelmed and overloaded. I am very unhappy and hit burnout. And I snapped at my husband last night. I work full-time, and work has been very busy so im working late a lot. Im also in grad school. I also have a toddler that has become VERY clingy with me. My husband works shorter days but commutes, so he usually gets home after me by an hour or more. When he gets home, he usually heads to the restroom for at least 30 mins when he gets home. And now my toddler doesnt want anything to do with him. So im doing all the toddler duties until bed. I dont get 5 mins to myself. Not for almost 2 years. I finally hit my wall. I have also, somehow, become my MILs medical ride service and she somehow has an appt every week, it seems?! Shes not sick!! My husband was complaining that he needs to change routine to fit in a workout sometimes, and I lost it. I have been BEGGING for 5 mins to myself for months. I have been telling him how im not good, im going to burn out for months. And between his attitude and him complaining (which really got me b/c he blames me for not being able to work out?! Saying I need help when he gets home so he just cant workout now) I just lost it completely. I told him how unfair my life has become and I have the entire mental and emotional load and it is just not fair. He got mad at me and said "hes trying" when hes literally not trying at all. What do I do?? No one is taking the load from me! And im done and dont know what to do now.
I do not like this version of me.

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3

18

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

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24

Cheating 😭

I cheated on my partner of 3 years the other day, our baby is nearly 2. I feel completely awful about it. It was not a planned thing, just an in the moment situation. No excuses or justification, it was wrong. He knows exactly what happened and it’s hurt him so bad. I really want to make it work with my partner and he does with me. We’re so young and in our early 20s. I’m just so worried things will go wrong. Has anyone else been able to make a relationship work after infidelity? 😭

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2

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Avoidant husband

I love my husband and he is a good man. We have some issues in our relationship however, as he has an avoidant attachment style (finds romance/intimacy/being emotional difficult). This comes from him having to be independent from a young age and having quite an abusive mother.
The issues in our relationship are mainly around a lack of sex and intimacy. I think the problem is that to feel turned on, I need to feel connected and wanted. My husband (being avoidant) will usually make jokes about being horny whereas I would want to have someone make me feel beautiful/sexy to get in the mood.
It sounds terrible but I've sometimes had dreams about exes that would make me feel this way, and the romance we had (eye contact, intensity, deep words). It makes me feel really guilty but I feel like i'm starved of that. My husband would like a lot more sex but I can't always force myself if I'm not feeling it.
We've spoken a bit about therapy but I know its often really expensive so we probably wouldn't be able to afford it. Do you have any suggestions please? I know that neither of us are wrong in what we want, just different but I'm scared about whether we can fix it or if we're doomed?

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12

Big vent!

Hi mums.
I'm a first time mum in my 40s to twin boys.They are almost 5 months old and the biggest miracle in my life!
I am struggling!!!
I'm pretty sure I have ppa as my pregnancy was a very high risk and all I remember was crying from anxiety of all the ifs!Thankfully even born at 35 weeks and skinny,didn't need iu time.
My husband is not helping much because he's always too busy with work.He will "look" after them usually between 8pm-12am so I can have a chance to sleep.
He expects me to just sleep when I touch the pillow,even though I hear tje babies crying and him don't really bother because most of the times he'll be on his laptop working.
When I tell him I can't relax to fall asleep because I feel you r neglecting the babies,he says I'm the problem becauae I'm always there with them and don't give them alone time!!
I am angry!!I am furious!!
I can't keep.up.with housework becauae someone alwaya neess me and most of the times they nap I either cook and clean tje kitchen,do laundry or try and take a quick nap.
He doesn't help.around the house,becauae..guess what?always super busy.
I asked him nicely we could clean the house together every Saturday morning so it's easier and quicker for both of us and he said no,because he has a lot of work but probably wants to sleep until 12 or 2.
2 days ago a button of his coat ripped and I told him I'll sew it these days.
Earlier this morning while running late for his work,as always,he weara the coat and told him didn't get the chance to fix the button and sarcastically said..of.course u didn't!!!
I spent all night awake because one of the babies had congested nose and we've been trying to reduce one fees at night.
I wanted to punch him!!He left and I started crying...I cry so much,even at 5 months pp...
I can't go on like this anymoreeeee...
The crying in my ears is constant..my head is always numb..I've gained so much weight and can't find the strength to get back on track..
Even if I try to.find a therapist to just talk,is it gonna help?I really don't know😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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7

If your partners parent passes away

And you and that parent didn't get along are you still go to the funeral?

Not my situation!

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