Need advice: partner speaking to me disrespectfully as a new mum

I’m really struggling with something and would appreciate some perspective from other mums.

My partner and I have a newborn, and he does a lot for our family. He adores our daughter and is doing his best. I know we’re both under a lot of stress adjusting to life with a baby.

But there’s one boundary I’ve been very clear about: no verbal abuse or name-calling, especially in front of our daughter.

Recently he called me a “piece of shit.” I told him that was not okay and that it couldn’t happen again.

It happened again, and I told him there couldn’t be a third time.

The third incident was the night before last when he told me I should “learn to shut my mouth.” That really hurt and felt like a line had been crossed.

Last night I tried to talk to him calmly about what happened and why it upset me. Instead, he blamed me for “holding onto things.” He also said he’s sorry he “turned out like his dad.”

I love him and I know he does a lot for us, and I’m not pretending I’m perfect either. But I also don’t want my daughter growing up thinking it’s normal for partners to speak to each other like this.

Has anyone been through something like this?
I really don’t want to leave.
Or am I ignoring a serious red flag?

I’d really appreciate honest perspectives

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Ugh so sorry that you're going through this. That stuff is so hard. I don't have advice only wanted to say hi, it's a super stressful time, and I'm divorced because of similar things. It took me until my girls were 7 and 2 to draw a hard line. One of the hardest things I've ever had to do. There are still days I wonder if it was the right choice. Glad you're reaching out for support 💜

I am so sorry friend. It's such a tough space to be in. I've been very clear with my partner about things that I don't want him talking about in front of our daughter (she's still a baby) and he's ignoring my boundaries so I feel that we're in somewhat of a similar situation. I do feel like it's a red flag on a respect level. I want my daughter believing she deserves the entire world and I think that belief begins with how her dad treats her mom. So just wanted to say, I'm here, I support you and I don't have it figured out either.

Sorry lovely, this is hard.

The problem is a boundary is for you to follow not someone else. It's arbitrary as he keeps doing it and a warning doesn't negate it happening over and over.

It sounds salvageable though.

Also definitely think it's interesting he's passively feeling this way, like a victim like it was always going to happen and he has no choice.

I'd revisit and remind him he has a choice to not behave like his dad, he gets to decide what kind of man and dad he wants to be. There are tools for him to use to regulate and take control of his emotions and behavior.

You’re ignoring a serious 🚩
Sorry, but he even told you “sorry I turned out like my dad”, so he basically just gave you 2 choices, continue to let him ignore your boundaries & let your daughter hopefully break this cycle in her own relationships someday or you make sure she doesn’t grow up seeing her mom treated this way.
I know it’s hard, I left my ex when my oldest was 2yo, I was only 27 & married him at 20, I was naive enough to believe all the “marriage is hard” “stay for the kids” & “why would you throw all those years together away”, now I tell my kids to ignore anyone who says those things, no amount of anniversaries celebrating a bad relationship is worth staying for. Protect your mental health, he will continue to shred it, I got to spend my last night w/my ex in a 24hr hold for my own safety, walked home that next morning, packed, got my son & never looked back, bc I realized that w/o me, he’d end up talking to my son like he did me someday.

in our community

If yall still giving your kids processed food, pls seek help

I understand not everybody can afford healthy ingredients all the time, but I’m seeing so many moms on social media giving they kids artificial cereals, coffee, frozen pancakes, velveetta Mac and cheese, hot Cheetos, kraft, the list goes on. I’m sorry but are yall not capable of cooking from scratch or ?? On top of that, if you still using canola and vegetable oil in 2026 you gotta stop. Am I the only one that notices this ???

Sahm .. the dad role .

Hi!! I’m 2 months pp. and I really would like your opinion on this situation if you have a moment.
So I have always had a job before the baby, and my bd .. not really. But 2 weeks before he was born he scored a really good job and I was able to be a sahm. Which is what I wanted , and I’m unsure if it’s still what I want or if the situation just isn’t right.
At first he was a great help in the hospital as I had an emergency c section. I was in the hospital for about a week and for most of that time I was in bed .
But after that.. I’m lucky if he will watch the baby while I shower .and I mean that seriously.
I am the only one who changes diapers, only one who bathes , feeds or watched him in general. And of course he may be tired after work but it’s like he completely avoids any responsibility. Like he will take a hour coming home and stop by his friends house otw . He will sit down stairs for hours knowing I won’t go down there bc I’m uncomfy . So I have the baby then.
We have been out maybe 2-3 times sense I had him & he refused to push the stroller c change or anything. In fact we got to the mall and said he needed to split up and I had the baby.
I feel he only wants the baby when it’s for … attention? Like to post the baby on social media or if his family is here he will take him .

I just feel like on days he doesn’t have work the next morning he should be helping , and if he is up early before work while I’m still sleeping he should get the baby instead of scrolling on reels for 3 hours .

Honestly he has really ruined my new born phase with my son. Within the first week of us being home I had to full on switch to survival mode I would call it. He would complain if dinner wasn’t done or if the room was a mess , he would complain if the diaper caddy had no diapers which really makes no sense bc he didn’t even changed the diapers . It was just everything.
I’m just wondering if there is anything I could say to get some type of help out of him.
I tried reaching out to his mother but honestly his hole family is oblivious to his behaviour.

AITA?

This isn't a major issue, just wondering if I'm being a bit of an asshole.

• I do shift work, 5 out of 7 days, full-time.
• My partner works from home (mostly, sometimes he goes into the office) M-F, full-time.

Anyway, whenever I have a day off during the week he gets in his feelings when I make myself food (breakfast and lunch) but not him. His reason is he's working, I'm not - Which is fair but I've asked him how many times on a weekend has he gotten up, on his day off and made me breakfast and a lunch to take with me to work? You guessed it, 0.

So basically, just because I'm at home I don't think the responsibility to feed him should automatically fall on me when he manages to feed himself just fine while I'm at work.

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Should I respect his wishes??

I’ve been a SAHM for 4 years now and my husband does a great job providing for our family and we never need for anything. With that i still had to sacrifice some wants like shopping when I want getting my hair and nails done regularly so when I can I try to supplement for my wants and savings by selling my craft items at vendor markets and recently I’ve started donating plasma. Which has been consistent income for me. $125 twice a week. Well my husband has expressed that he doesn’t like me donating plasma. He feels like it’s not worth it to put my body through those conditions for $125. He even went out to sell one of his guns today and gave me all the money and told me “I shouldn’t have to donate plasma no more”. That was so sweet but I disagree. I planned on continuing to donate plasma to save for my kids birthdays thats coming up, a trip we have planned and our anniversary. I don’t know what to do. I finally found something that pays something consistently and my husband is against it. What should I do?