What kind of post partum help will I need after birth?
I’m 31+ weeks and worried about insufficient help after the birth of our child. It could be a normal delivery with an induction or a C-section. My husband doesn’t do much around the house to help me now anyway. All he talks and cares about is politics, the US-Israel nonsense to the exclusion of everything else. I’m worried I have committed to a life of drudgery with a mentally challenged adult male who behaves like a juvenile and plays video games all day. He goes to work but he does little besides that. I’m tired of listening to his nonsense on the war and couldn’t care less about what’s happening in the Middle East. I don’t think wars are good for humanity in any case.
I also worry that all the child rearing responsibilities will fall upon me after the birth of our first child. In fact, I’m starting to think it was a bad decision to get pregnant. I found out I was pregnant the hard way after quitting my job due to exhaustion in the first trimester. This pregnancy has interfered with my career and independence and it’s also giving me bird-brain. My obgyn was not very helpful and had me take a break from ADD meds (citing birth defects) which I needed to work. I have not been working for several months now while getting poorer.
Anyhow, fast forward to now, I don’t know if I can rely on him for post partum help. Since he’s so ineffective with household chores, he says he’s going to pay for a doula but ladies, I need help determining what to ask for in terms of hired help as I recover and go back to finding work. I don’t have a mother or family close by to help me and I’m not sure I can rely on him for anything.. to clean up, walk and feed the dog, do laundry, etc. Please chime in and help me here with respect to what I need to ask for.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
Oh love, thats a lot of worries.
Personally I'd sign up for for any free counselling you can get now. Mental health support is KEY in postpartum, especially with ADD. I have it too.
I'd also speak to him now and start outlining the things that he needs to take care of. He might need to help you shower and stuff at first.
Ask him what he is willing to take on? Pay him lots of compliments when he does things well and that might help encourage it.
Make sure you have a water bottle and snacks nearby. Especially if you're breastfeeding.
I have a nappy caddy that I use as a house bag, it has nappies, wipes, a notebook, nipple cream, lip balm, tissues, portable charger, snacks, pen, headphones and my book. Get one!!! You can keep everything in one place which helps soo much. 7 months later and I still use it.
I've not used a Doula but if hes paying, do it!
Good luck and message me if you need more advice xx
I’m usually the last one to say pack up and leave a fool but… if you could drive to family that’s willing to be helpful I would consider it. (Even if just for a little while) If you’re stuck 100% make that man pay for a Doula. I would hope so much that no matter who you get anyone with that job is willing to do the most and do any and everything you need. Houses get dirty and houses get clean so don’t worry too much about it. I would sit down and discuss with him everything. Does he realize having a baby means it’s time to grow up and step up? (Should’ve stepped up for his wife but…) I wish you the best of luck and I hope this changes him for the best for both you and baby. Wish I had more advice.
Download the Peanut App
