Money in Marriage
Hi, has anyone got an advice? My husband and me are not best with money. Basically, all my husbands wage at the moment goes to bills, rent, his petrol and some loans we took out. He has some little leftover for groceries, subscriptions and stuff. All my wage is for the whole months groceries and any other spendings like new furniture, trips, clothes, etc.
I also started a new business so I get money from there (from clients) but it's not too predictable, for now it's going to groceries only.
Usually it goes that we live off my wage for half a month or a little more, I feel comfort and freedom and then my husband kind of reassures me that we can spend more because he will also have some money left and in the end I often find myself at the checkout with an empty bank account calling him to send me money or put money on the spending card and it's embarrassing and frustratibg. It happens because either A) he doesn't think about me needing money throughout the day even though the shopping is all on me. And B) sometimes things come up for example he didn't realise he didn't pay a subscription yet, or this past week his business sent invoices too late so he lacked cashflow in his business account and couldn't pay himself, so we are broke these days even though he has around £2000 profit right now that he is owed.
Sometimes I really want something and he pays for it and then later on I find out that because of that he didn't pay some bill and then when we actually need something and I thought has, he tells me about the outstanding bill.
We tried budgeting together many times and it's all so straightforward on paper but in day to day life it's confusing
Are we all living the same life?
Out of curiosity, have anyone ever left their partner for not helping around the house much ?My partner works overnights and I work the day shift. We have different days off. We have two kids together. Baby and toddler. On my days off I manage to get the house clean and clean the bathroom. It’s hard for me to clean the bedroom since he is sleeping there during the day on my days off. But he doesn’t clean the bedroom on his days off. He BARELY clean the house. And when I say clean I mean like wipe stuff down, tables, walls, kitchen cabinets, clean bathrooms. He version of cleaning is just sweep and mop and sometime washing dishes (which he never puts the dishes away). And sometime if he’s not too tired he would pick up the kids toys at night. He does wash clothes all the time but he HARLY FOLD THEM AND OUT THEM AWAY. So the clothes gets wrinkle and then I become pissed because now I have to get kids ready for school, pack their lunch, some time bathe them every morning and having to iron their clothes. He claims he too tired all the damn time. I don’t how long I can keep the relationship going. I don’t want to be intimate with him because I’m so tired. I do so much. And he does so little. I know working overnight is HARD! I did it myself with no kids. But I feel like I’m doing more….. his thing is he’s with the kids more because he has to pick them up from daycare at 6PM every day. But he puts them to bed at 7:30PM/8PM most days……anyways I’m becoming fed up and starting to resent my relationship…. I’ve tried talking to him but it turns into this fight ALL THE TIME. I’m not sure what I’m looking for out this post. I’m just venting and pretty annoyed this morning. Maybe my period is coming and everything is bothering me 😫
How to deal with toxic in-laws
So my parters family have been pretty awful since I gave birth, we had a decent relationship with his siblings but since we had our baby last year they have changed. Me and my parter have racked our brains trying to understand where this change has come from and the only person we can think this stems from is his mam. She is constantly on at us to take our little one out on her own but we do not trust her to have him. This is from experiences his siblings have told us about with their children. And to be honest she has been vile to me since me and my partner got together so why would we want her watching our little one 🤣. Despite all of this, I remain pleasant with her and the rest of the family. Although it can be awkward with her, I try so hard to put on a brave face so my little one can still have a relationship with his Grandma.
His family have decided to book a holiday secretly and we have just found out about it and we haven’t been invited. My partner is livid, more so because of our little one missing out. I do not know how to deal with it, because this is the cherry on top of years of being treated like an outsider.
My partner has said he is done, but we still have not actually been told about this holiday we found out by accident. Do we confront it before they go? Do we wait for them to tell us? I just feel like I have wasted so much time with them trying to fix our relationship and have a good relationship with his mam. To me it seems like there will never be a good relationship with them.
