Looking for an outside perspective

This is really hard for me to write as I’m very private and am truly ashamed of my past actions. I cheated on my husband 5 years ago with a coworker. For context we’d been together for 12 or 13 years, married for 5-6 at this point. The company he worked for had absolved and everyone was laid off, he took this as an opportunity to teach himself day trading, thinking he’d make good money. We decided after a year if it wasn’t working he’d get a job. This went on and put a strain on our relationship. He had no routine/responsibilities and got sucked into the day trading/political world. I felt like I was parenting my husband. At the time, I didn’t know how to communicate properly how unsupported and alone I was feeling. I started a new job around this time, completely changed industries and it was very difficult for me. I ended up having a connection with a coworker and it was fun, there was no stress of regular life. It lasted 3 months and was only physical 3 times, never sex. It was messy, my husband found out but I had to keep working with this person as the project wasn’t complete yet. I know everything I did was wrong and I felt terrible. At the time I was very resentful for not only supporting us while he played with stocks, but for previous years of acting like a child etc. and I know I’ve enabled many behaviors. I wasn’t the best after it all came out, although I did go to another project I was as still in friendly coworker group chats with this person. I was going through a lot emotionally trying to deal with the guilt and understand why I had done something to awful and I didn’t treat my husband with as much empathy and compassion as I should have. I decided after about 1.5 years to give up alcohol because I’d noticed a pattern of it creating problems for us. A couple weeks later I found out I was pregnant. Fast forward to today, our son is 18 months old. I’ve done a lot of work on myself to get to a place where I’ve accepted what I’ve done and have committed to our relationship. I haven’t reached out to this person or spoken to them in the past 2+ years even though working at the same company. Well I’ve been assigned to a new project that my affair partner is on and ironically, my husband has been unemployed for the past 14 months. Making promises his business is going to be launched etc. I’ve been the sole caregiver and provider for our family, and I’m exhausted. I can’t rely on him to do the simplest things like wake up on time to take our son to daycare. He’s racked up $10k of debt on one of my credit cards, I’ve had to ask my parents for money. However this time it’s different because I’ve been pushing us to go to therapy, because I’ve again felt alone and unsupported and I’ve learned from my mistakes. He’s decided our therapist is an affair sympathizer and refuses to see her. I’ve now found 3 new therapists for us to try. He’s held the stance that everything is my fault, he’s in the position he’s in because of the pain I’ve caused him and by me going to this new project I’ve made the decision for us. I have no say in what project I’m assigned to and I can’t simply refuse or quit my job. I’m also struggling with making up an excuse to get transferred to an office position which in turn I would resent him for the rest of my life for taking that decision from me. After becoming a mother you struggle with your new identity and giving up part of that feels unfair. I know what I did to him was unfair but I don’t think I should be punished forever. I know this was an extremely long post and there are so many more nuances to the situation. Ultimately I know I have to do what’s right for me and my son but I’m just curious putting this out there what you all would do. This isn’t something I’ve shared with many people. Anyways thanks for reading.

in our community

Am I tripping 🤔

My friend wants me to watch her daughter 3 days a week 430 to 630 I told her I need $20 every time I watch her because I have 5 kids I have health problems am I wrong ? She saying she don't got it so I feel like I shouldn't do it then is that bad?

Is my child delayed ?

Recently had parent evening for my child (4 in June) and the teacher said she is not where she should be she does not know her shapes, letters or numbers.

My child is able to show me where shapes are on a poster for example if I said find the rhombus she would find it however if I i said name it she couldn’t,

On a number line if I said “find number 4 she would find it” but she is not able to count to 4 correctly but she could show on her hands 80% of the time.

She can recognise letters around 15 correctly but will not say the alphabet.

The teacher also mentioned she doesn’t hold a pen correctly but I have seen her hold a pen with pincer grip and use them in both hands correctly.

I’ll post an image of what educational based supplies we have in the Comments please tell me if we can add anything 🙂

Do you feel like your husband/ partner puts the same level of care into parenting, cooking, cleaning etc when it’s his “turn” in comparison to you?

I’m having such a hard time lately because it’s become so embarrassingly obvious that my husband just doesn’t care as much as I do. I feel like he compares himself to his own dad or other men in his life who walked out or do the absolute bare minimum so in his mind he’s excelling, and that watching his mom struggle as a single mom doing everything growing up has conditioned him to be almost blind to the labor of women like it’s just expected. I’ve talked to him about this multiple times and it will get better temporarily sometimes but not long at all

Advice?

I don’t feel like a good mom. I’m a mom but I don’t feel as present as I need to be. I have an addiction to my phone ever since my son passed. Growing up it’s how I distracted myself and it’s just gotten worse. I use to be on my phone every now and then before but now it’s constant almost. I still play with my toddler but I get bored easily and I don’t look forward to doing stuff. I’m a couch potato who scrolls. I hate it. I recognize it and I hate it. I don’t go out anymore unless needed besides outback. I don’t bake desserts anymore. I feel lazy. Yes I have a therapist but I never say what I need to when I’m there and I have to bring my toddler so it just doesn’t work out how I imagine.

I’m trying to be the best mom I can be but I struggle. I struggle so hard and at this point I am disappointed in myself because I imagined so much for our life and I can’t even be the mom I need to be. Even my mom who lived in the living room and didn’t play with us at least was a present mom. I checked out. I hate it.

Nothing can top Bluey, but...

What other shows do you watch with your kids? It doesn't have to be for very young children; they LOVE the movies Jaws and Jurassic Park. And i live the 90's entertainment from my youth. Shows like Wild Kratts and Stinky and Dirty hold their attention, but they need something new because when they search for shows themselves, they find the worst! The screen is rampant with brainrot, where are those hidden gems??

Traveling Preschool Idea

I have a fun idea and wonder if it would even be something people would pay for! Will you help me?

I’m thinking of a “traveling preschool classroom” that would to come to your neighborhood once a week. Would you attend with your child (age 3-5)? How much would you pay for this?

A class would take place at a park or an outdoor space in good weather or a library in the winters. I’d love to have the classroom be housed in an old school bus!

A class would include circle time to practice social skills, a story, free play time, and an activity. My thought is that an adult would attend with the child and the class would last 1-2 hours.