SAHMS- does your SO hold a grudge you aren’t contributing or was it just the best option?

I wasn’t planning on being a sahm but the minute my daughter was born I couldn’t leave her. My husband supported my decision 100% and we both knew it was best for our family. We have agreement that we both have our roles that are equally important. There are a few fights here and there when we talk about finances, usually when it comes to what we can afford. But overall no grudges, we both agree that me raising our kids is the best for us. It will be a hard adjustment for you though, I had a whole career before my daughter came and it took me awhile to come to terms with this. But seeing my daughter everyday is so worth it, sacrifices and all!

I really like working but my whole check would go towards childcare or my husband and I would never see each other because of opposite schedules. Our conversation was about how I'd feel being at home vs working and ultimately after having my baby I felt like going back to work would make me feel burnt out/irritated and I don't wanna bring that kind of energy around if I can avoid it. My baby was also born in July and my mat leave ended right before the holidays which meant we wouldn't have been able to visit family (it's just us where we live) and I felt like those memories (even tho my baby won't remember) we're just too valuable to pass up. She's our first, we waited a long time to have her, and she's only this little once. I have the rest of my life to work and if we're fortunate enough to swing it then we're both all for it. My husband also realizes how hard it is to be a sahm and acknowledges and appreciates all the work that goes into it (which is how it should be) so I'm very lucky 🥰

Also not working doesn't mean you're not contributing. You're sacrificing your career and independence and putting full trust in your partner so that you can keep your child alive and make sure they're growing healthy and happy ON TOP of whatever house work needs to get done and whatever else you have going on. Having a baby is one of the most life changing things to go through and whether you work or not, your partner should be supportive and not make you feel like you're not doing enough

I think it depends on the lifestyle when it comes to affordability. For example do you need your hair/nails done. Do you or your husband have expensive hobbies, like video game gear or golf etc. Does your family eat out a lot? We’ve had to adjust as far as consumption goes (we loved DoorDash and have since deleted the app lol) if it’s what’s best for your child’s well being you can find a way to make it work. Cutting costs, and making sacrifices. Budgeting, cancelling subscriptions, eating at home, buying only necessities etc. it can be done even if it’s hard it’s worth it if you can.

While that is a significant amount and I can understand the set back, it almost sounds like he's valuing the money over the bonding. Will it cause you guys to pinch pennies or just cut back on extra things like outings or unnecessary expenses?
So it's "Will he resent me for not working?" but Will you resent him for making you work and you missing out on key moments with your baby?
That's very generous that your mil can babysit but you'll want things done your way and have to make sure to set boundaries and even more so depending on your guys relationship.
If you take your husbands reaction out of it, what would you prefer to do? You can start with your initial plan and see how you feel. Plenty of people are able to work and that works better for them but there's nothing wrong if that's not for you.

My husband just expects me to have all the house work done, take care of the baby, and take care of him. It's very hard to get him to understand how exhausted I was during pregnancy and early postpartum. Now that im 3 months postpartum im getting my energy back. He was super discouraging about my capabilities as a mother and a wife, but now that he sees I have more energy he's starting to understand that I was exhausted and it was hard for me to do everything before.

My husband and I had this talk before he even asked me to be his gf lol but I said I wanted a year off we go married he made me a sahw has always said I don’t need to work but if I want to I can and now as a mom same thing but no amount of money can cover the time I have with our child we wouldn’t have it any other way with that being said he’s there is things you can say we go with out Starbucks going out to eat pastries we only have one subscription we budget groceries but this was all done before the baby because we realized everything taste better homemade do we do it yes very spontaneous but that money goes to stocks savings or “fun money” we also do things like recycle to add to our fun money but this is only possible be we are a team in any and every way possible

I think unfortunately it’s pretty unrealistic to expect to live on one salary with kids in CA unless your husband makes bank which doesn’t sound like your case. I’d love to be a SAHM but would never want to put that sort of stress and strain on my husband. I also think there is a lot of benefit for kids to be raised in a financially stable household and for them not to feel the money struggle as that may affect their own relationship with finances later in life (my hubbys parents struggled financially and now he has a lot of fear surrounding money in his adult life). Consider moving to a cheaper state if you want to be a SAHM or at least working part time.

My boyfriend wanted me to go back to work initially, obviously 2 incomes are better than one. But we talked about how expensive daycare actually is. I would basically only be working to cover that, so just go over pros&cons. Get actual prices to show him how expensive it would be. & no one would care & love for your baby as good as you! Yes it can be a struggle financially but its not forever. Our babies are only little for a short time.

Are you going to be breastfeeding ? If so, that would be a great reason to stay home with the baby. The first year is so crucial for both mom & baby to be together as much as possible. Its your baby, not hers! You need this as much as baby

my husband has the provider mindset and wants me to stay home he doesn’t want me to work and does not mind having the financial burden

I do wish I could make my own money because I feel extreme guilt from having someone fully support me. I dont feel like I could buy things for myself freely. I dont want to go back to work though.