Reality of marriage and kids
Just wondered if anyone can relate and this is hugely normal, or if I’m on my own.
Generally I take the majority of the household and family load - eg food shops, meals, cleaning, washing, school admin, planning etc (the list could go on and on). My husband does his bit but I’d say it’s mostly me that takes the lead. I can kind of get over that as I’m a bit of a control freak anyway, but I just feel under appreciated and a bit….unloved!
He’s never been great with gestures, planning dates etc. It goes as far as a cup of tea in the morning and that’s about it. He’s a bit of a stoic so it’s hugely generous with words either. And I massively resent it. I have for years tbh. Before kids it meant less as we had more time together but now it’s like….I’m doing bloody everything for this family and completely burnt out and I STILL don’t receive much in the way of love and affection. I don’t have huge expectations either, just thought and appreciation in however form would be lovely.
I don’t think he’ll change. It’s been nearly 20 years. Anyone else feel the same?
Note, he’s a wonderful dad and gives all his time to them, does pick ups, playing, bedtime etc. We both earn similar money etc so I’m not a SAHM. This is really about our relationship beyond the running of our family and home.
I wanted to throw the pancakes right in his face 😐
It finally hit me that my husband is very unappreciative of the things I do around here. Especially when it comes to meals. I do all the grocery shopping, meal prepping, cooking said meals, clearing the table, putting away leftovers, AND doing the dishes after. Last night I made shrimp po’boys & sweet potato fries & even added catfish to his per his request. Took me about an hour & a half to get everything ready. Fed the kids & made his plate. Went upstairs to change our 19 month old. Came back to eat my food (which was pretty much cold at this point). I wasn’t met with a “thank you for making dinner tonight” or “I really liked xyz.” Only a “here’s 3 things I would have done differently” and lists 3 things about he food he would change. And im sitting there like 😐low key wanting to knock everything off the table but I let him finish and I continued to eat my food in silence. This morning after being up kinda late trying to get our little one to sleep, I still managed to get up early to make breakfast for everyone. I cook and lay out all the food on the table. He comes down stairs and makes a kinda disgusted face & says “why did you make the pancakes so light?” 🫠🫠🫠🫠 not good morning or thank you for making breakfast. But why. did. you. make. the. pancakes. so. light 😐😐😐😐 I wanted to throw the pancakes dead in his face. I told him he could put them in the oven if they’re too light and now he’s giving me the silent treatment. Wtf.
RANT!! MIL & Partner
My partner told me that his mum called him and said our child is turning four and she feels like she’s never had her, whereas my family have. That’s not really true—apart from one time this year when our daughter stayed overnight at my mum’s because my partner had booked us a surprise one-night getaway, my family don’t have her regularly. My mum lives 40 minutes away, so contact is mostly FaceTime, and the only other family nearby is my gran, who lives about 10 minutes away.
My MIL originally asked to have our daughter on Tuesday, which I agreed to. She then changed it to Saturday, but I said no because we already had plans. She got upset, moaned, and said she’d just have her Tuesday then.
I told my partner that I don’t need anyone to look after our child. If I did, I would ask. I manage everything myself—I even take her with me to my brow appointments. Realistically, my MIL wouldn’t have her anyway because she works.
My partner then got angry and started shouting at me, saying that I often tell him our child hasn’t been listening or has been a handful, and that he’s tired of hearing it. He said I should just let his mum have her. He also said his mum is better suited to look after her than my family, and said my family are trampy and they can’t look after children properly. After that, he went upstairs, kicked some boxes on the landing, and said he was done with me🤯
The truth is, I don’t want anyone to have my child. I don’t feel I need the help, and if I ever did, I would ask. God forbid a mother can have a little rant to their partner if she’s had a stressful day with their child!😣
Am I being paranoid or gaslit?
I feel like I am being constantly gaslit by my husband over things that to me, should be common sense, but to him I’m “being dramatic” and “he won’t do that”
For example our son has just started crawling, we already have a baby gate at the top of the stairs but I want one for the bathroom door too because the actual door we have doesn’t shut properly and I don’t want him going in there and playing with the toilet brush and stuff like that, my husband said I was being stupid and “why would he do that he’s not stupid” and he thinks we should only have a gate at the top of the stairs and that’s it and any more I’m being obsessive about them, I also want one over the kitchen and bottom of stairs but again apparently that’s too much!
Another example I told him he has to turn his extension lead off at the wall now baby is crawling because I don’t want him to chew the phone charger or play with the sockets etc, he told me I was being ridiculous and “nothing will happen to him stop being paranoid”
Earlier I caught him texting while he was bathing our son and I said he needs to keep his hands and eyes on him at all times in the bath and he told me I was being paranoid again.
There’s been a few other digs here and there but these are the most recent ones. It’s making me worry when I have to leave my baby with him incase he’s not taking his safety seriously like why isn’t he thinking of all the potential dangers the way that I do all the time?
I have post partum anxiety which he knows about and sometimes I think he uses this against me.
