Husband rant!
I just wanted to get others thoughts on my current situation. My husband has been out of work for 18 months and has just accepted a role that he’s starting next week. We have a 5 month old and 4 year old and the baby does not sleep at all. The sleep deprivation is seriously hard and my first didn’t sleep until a few months before our baby was born so it’s been tough! He’s now just assuming that I’m going to do all the nursery drop offs and pick ups from next week and just mentioned casually that his job finishes at 6pm and the office is 90 mins away so will mean I need to do both girls bedtimes every night. He initially said it would be one day in the office but now says it will be more like three days. He also wants to be able to go to football one night and touch rugby another. Our baby doesn’t nap in her bassinet so I get no rest time during the day. I’m angry at him for not even talking to me about this transition and how it’s going to go, he’s just waited for me to ask questions but every response has an undertone of “of course you’ll need to do all the childcare - why are you even asking”. I feel like I may actually go insane without any help or sleep (he currently gives me an hour in the morning to nap which also has caused resentment given he’s not been working - he acts like it’s a favour to do more than that). Evenings are a nightmare with the 5 month old waking every 10-20 minutes until she properly settles, which could be 8pm or it could be midnight. This makes it very difficult to put the 4 year old to bed who then has been having night terrors and can only be comforted by mummy. The baby then wakes 6-8 times in the night and is ebf so I probably get 2 - 5 hours of sleep a night (but very broken).
I think I’ve just been getting more and more angry at how much I am sacrificing, just having a shower is a luxury right now, and yet he doesn’t think twice about having an evening to play football. I love my daughters so much but I feel like I can’t give them what they need because I’m spread so thin and so exhausted all the time. I know this won’t be forever and I’m planning some gentle sleep training in a month, but my feelings of resentment towards him may last a lot longer!
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This is frustrating. Is there anyone that can help him hear you out?
Your feelings are v valid! I would be furious if I was seen as the default parent to the extent that I wasn’t consulted in life changes. It’s interesting how minimal he sees his role. Did he not take on lots of childcare in the time he’s been off?
I’d try and put foot down on the amount of days in the office and def say no football or rugby until children are more settled. What’s your equivalent? When is your time off?! You should plan at least a morning away and assume he can sort the kids, so he understands what it feels like?
Otherwise, walk him through your day abd the impact on you and make extra help - from him, family or paid for - a necessity.
It is so frustating, sorry to hear it! I can totally sympathize...Sadly, husbands often just dont get it, they say they do, but they absolutely do not. The problem is that often you can't even ask them to even just try to do what you do for a day, as they would just walk out after 20 mins, they wouldnt cope...
(All respect to those men who are exception...hope you exist somewhere out there!)
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