My baby daddy and I have been together for 4 years and we have a 18 month old son together, our whole relationship has been plane sailing, he’s quiet and good to me and our son. Although a few times in our relationship he’s watched 🌽 and looked up 🌽⭐️’s (if you know what I mean) on his socials, I have confronted him about these and told him how I feel about it multiple times, once confrunted he goes all quiet not much to say for himself, but gets teary and deletes his socials, after about 10 ish months of me not checking his phone and trusting him, I looked again last night, and to my surprise he’s searching for these OF girls on his insta, watching multiple girls do inappropriate dances on tik tok, over and over pretty much every single day, he knows I’m super insecure after having my son I’ve put on a few stone, he knows I don’t agree or like any of this and how it makes me feel and still he does it, I’m not sure where to go from here I love him so much and other than all this I promise he is a gem but I don’t think I’ll ever feel beautiful around him or attractive or anything…this just makes me feel worthless. All I got out of him is when I asked "why I don’t understand" and he said "I guess I’m just a d*ck" so yeah there’s that 🥲😭
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If you are super insecure and don’t feel like you’ll ever feel beautiful or attractive around him I believe you need to work on your self esteem and self worth.
Have you always felt this way about yourself?
What he has done is hurtful and to repeatedly to do it when he knows you don’t appreciate it is wrong - I think his actions are magnifying what might have already been there.

I dont think hes being clear about his true thoughts and feelings honestly... and probably because he knows that calling himself a dick will hurt less than what hes actually thinking. Either that or he isnt sure what he thinks/dont know how to word it. But either way, if youve discussed your discomfort and feelings towards him looking at this kind of content then he should respect that boundary and not view it anymore if he has any ounce of respect for you. Him being unable to explain his reasoning behind watching that content is not an excuse for him to keep watching it after you've explicitly told him you dont like it. The rule within relationships is "if you feel like you cant tell your partner about it then you probably shouldnt be doing it" and hes clearly hiding it from you, therefore he knows hes doing wrong and is still choosing to do it. Theres no justification for that.