in

April 2026 Babies 🇺🇸

How do I get my man to help me out more?

So basically I’m 38 weeks pregnant and my fiancé works as a maintenance tech here at the apartments we live at. He works a typical 9-5 and seasonally does sports. He plays softball spring-fall and is a wrestling coach fall-winter. He also goes hunting occasionally during the fall. He tends to only help out at home whenever he feels like it and normally I don’t mind and I take care of everything but right now I’m in so much pain everyday and focused on our son and also getting this baby out that I don’t have as much energy or time to focus on household chores. It’s been hard having this conversation with him because every time I bring up that I would like for him to take care of a task, he brings up excuses and says he’s too tired from work and just wants to relax. He also has arthritis in his lower back but never complains about it when he’s doing his own activities. Only when I tell him I would like a massage on my hips or that my legs are so swollen and in pain from being pregnant. Then all of a sudden he’s like “yeah my back is killing me too” or I could say I barely got any sleep last night because of how much pain I was in and he would say “same” and when I ask him what body part hurt he always says “my whole body”.

He also loves saying lately how he can’t wait till I’m not pregnant anymore because I ask for too much. He last made this comment after I was waiting by the car for him to open the door for me and help me into the car. (Something he just recently started doing for me so I kind of expected it).

He made dinner tonight, air fried some hot dogs and buns. I’m not judging but I usually cook every meal from scratch so even though I was grateful, I didn’t feel like it was a huge deal. Still I thanked him when he brought me my plate and took a picture of him handing it to me to boost his confidence a bit and make him feel like I really appreciated the gesture, which I did. Then when I asked him to pay attention to our son during dinner because he was on his phone and our son was just talking to me and just kept saying “mommy…” followed by some random question between every bite. My son also needs a bit of a push eating and sometimes help because I suspect he has adhd and he can never focus on his food. I got a bit frustrated and asked him to talk to his son too, that I felt like I was handling it on my own at the moment and he then sighed at me turned off his phone and set it down on the table kind of carelessly. He looked at me so bored and annoyed and then just sat there in silence and said “how are you handling all of it on your own, I just made dinner by myself”.

Anyway I’m stuck in this dilemma and I don’t know how to get him to be more compassionate or attentive. Am I doing something to make him act this way or could I be doing something differently? I feel like I’m not asking for too much, just a little more support where I lack lately. Does anyone else have this problem? What did you do to help your relationship?