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Moms in their 30’s

I feel used

I've been with my partner 4 years now and I'm pregnant. I got pregnnat just when I had decided I did not want to be with him anymore as during the 3 years I've found out he was talking to other girls and I say girls because they're all younger than me. I'm in my mid 30s and these girls have all been in their early 20s and he's in his late 20s. We have been through more bad things than good. He cheated on me on the first year and blamed it on me. He hasn't worked since he's been with me neither and always promises me he will find work but never does only worked twice and the first time he got fired the second one which was late year he had an accident on his fi ger which had to have surgery and couldn't work till now but still hasn't found work even though I'm near to the end of my last trimester. I'm constantly finding things on his phone which he thinks he's deleted but I have my ways of undeleting things. Or just too good with phones. He doesn't help me around the house. Constantly calling old just because I'm tired of always coming home to find mess and my side of the bed dirty and he can't even clean it up. He made me fix his phone only for me to see he was chatting and calling his ex wife and telling her his single again. If he's doi g that with her I can't imagine with who else he's doing it with. Whenever he comes home from "playing football" he starts accusing me of bringing men or someone to my house because he finds foot prints or stains on the floor. All these while I'm pregnant. If he doesn't feel like I'm the one for him or if I'm too old for him why is he still with me. I've kicked him out of my house so many times but he comes bk all the time or just says why do I say that if I really don't want him to leave if I'm just gona be crying after. When I finish work early he's always asking me in a bad " urgh why you finishing so early"? As if it's a bad thing I'm bk home. All of these to me just point to the fact heseither chatting to some other girl or looking somewhere else. And every time on my pay day he just asks me to borrow him money and starts being all nice. And if I say no he then starts saying oh when I start working I'm not gona be like that stingy. Making me feel bad which makes me feel bad and I fall for it All the time. I feel like I'm just with someone who I think will love me but I'm so wrong. And he never will even if I do have his baby. I'm just tired of feeling like this like I'm always just someone who he can use. While he chats to his other little girls and makes then feel nice and good and probably worth it. He's always made me feel worthless, less or little or old just Coz I'm 9 years older than him.