How do you teach a baby with high sleep needs to self settle?

Help!! Sorry for long post but I really need help.

My baby has been co sleeping since she was 5 months - she’s nearly 10 months now and every night she has a false start, and then again and again and again until I come to bed. For naps she will only fall asleep on me, or my mum or partner, so not in the pram or cot or car. She can occasionally be transferred off on to sofa or bed but usually this results in a short nap so I often contact nap still.
I know it’s the biological norm for babies to want to sleep near us, which I’m fine with, but the false starts every night are a real problem, it leaves me with no proper evening and up and down the stairs all evening. So I really need her to be able to self settle as she’s starting nursery soon so we can’t contact nap there (I’m going with her - nursery teacher) plus I’d like to start thinking about trying for another baby later on this year but can’t imagine sharing my bed with a big baby bump!
I’ve tried Ferber, chair method, pick up put down.

She has to fall asleep with her fingers in my mouth or pulling at my face. Won’t accept holding hand and isn’t the slightest bit interested in a comforter

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You can’t really teach self-settling, it’s mainly temperament based! What’s her day look like in terms of sleep, how much sleep is she getting in 24 hours?

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Omg this is literally hiw my little one is and he also 10 months lol he wakes constantly till i get in to bed with him and I have co slept woth him since he was a few months old. The thing is for me I know I will miss him being in bed next to me lol. But I definitely understand your situation I think im also dealing with this. I will say though my son recently started nursery and since then I have noticed his false starts have become less.

Ahh ok! Yes my boy would only ever nap on one of us 😂

What time does she go to bed? Is she co-sleeping with you in your bed? X

It’s like I have written this only my daughter will sleep in the car seat so I go for a drive just to get some peace while she sleeps sometimes. She has to be touching my face or playing with my hands. If my partner or teens walk in to settle her, she loses her mind!

I don’t get an evening, I tidy up, do some washing as quick as I can in between running up and down the stairs then have to go to bed as she sleeps with me. Once I’m in bed she will sleep all night, my poor partner has slept on the sofa for 2 months now as he’s worried he will roll on n her.

We have a solid routine every day, I’ve tried absolutely every trick in the book and nothing works. She has been like this since birth though, I think it’s her as a baby as my other two were never like this. I was settling her all night every night in her crib for the first 5 months until my mental health got so bad from sleep deprivation, for now we’re just living with it. Sorry I don’t have advice- but you’re not alone!

She used to scream and get herself in such a state she would be hyperventilating in the car until I turned the airbag off and now have her in the front with me, not ideal but I swear I was so close to having an accident a few times from not being able to concentrate with her screaming. It’s been life changing, she just falls asleep so quickly in the car now. Have you tried putting your daughter in the front?

I say do what makes life easier! It was horrible as I barely left the house in the end as it was so stressful. I make my friends sit in the back if they ever come in my car 🤣

So on the days he is home we still contact nap lol also because it means i can also nap 😅 his first nap at home usually around 10am for around 40/60 mins then he has an afternoon nap around 1/2pm and thats can sometimes last 1/2 hrs lol but at nursery they have nap times but because its not co sleeping with me he will probs sleep in the whole day at nursery maybe 40 mins so big difference for him. He still getting settled as its only 2nd week doing full days 2 days a week. I can definitely see that when he been to nursery he more tired and so sleeps better and longer on them nights less wake up and false starts. I'll put him to bed around 8pm his first wake up on day been to nursery is around 11:30pm. Then every 3 hrs after that 😅🫠 as for when he is home its hard to keep him awake like when he at nursery as he becomes more relaxed at home and so falls a sleep for his naps very easy. Feel at this points its a sleepless circle till they're 18 lol.

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