SAHM question

Hey! I’m a SAHM and believe I was thinking the same before hands! So my other half works nights , so during the day it’s me and kids ~ and then he gets up ~ chills with the kids etc. with household duties ~ I do most of them and with the ones I haven’t had chance to do ie clean the bathroom ~ he will do on his day off. For some reason it just falls into place. Not sure how but maybe plan your day with the kids. Like for example - stuff you wanna do with them . And then when dad gets home he does bath time and bed so that you have a chance to relax and also he gets his time with the kids before bedtime. 🛏️

I think he needs to look at it this way, he has a 9-5 and so do you. Outside of those hours, you parent 50:50.

And if that means he gets the kids dumped on him as soon as he walks in the door, then, yeah - he needs to suck it up.

He has to remember that when he’s at work, he gets breaks, he gets a lunch hour, he gets adult conversation, he gets to SHIT IN PRIVATE and he gets to decompress on his commute. You won’t get any of that and you will need a rest.

Some days the kids do get dumped on my husband so I can get a 30 minute break but that’s only on bad days and he has warning (he drives an hour home so he takes that time to decompress if needed instead of calling plus he comes home to dinner already made or being cooked so we all eat together) but other days he comes home, eats, showers and then we all hang out together and sometimes I ask for a break after that’s all done (but rarely). I also go to my parents twice a week so I can go to the gym alone while he gets alone time after work (it’s a long drive for me to get there so he actually gets a few hours alone after work twice a week) my husband isn’t really jealous per say that I have more time with the kids because I send lots of pictures and videos throughout the day plus he can get good quality time with them at night before bed and on weekends. The girls actually run to him and try to hang on him more when he is home

I don’t like that he thinks asking for assistance with parenting when he gets home is “dumping the kids on him” 😳
I told my husband, my brain should not be having to run on smoke acting as the only responsible adult if you are home. The end. If you see me struggling, help. If you smell a poopy diaper, change it. I do EVERYTHING when he’s not home and with a baby attached to me. Between scrolling through their phone and video games, they can help out. 🙄

I got nothing for the second as he just claimed the time he would be given to spend with them would be “dumping them on him” SO. Idk about that one my guy

I’m a SAHM and my husband loves taking care of our daughter when he gets home because he’s sad he misses so much during the day and it is absolutely exhausting having a kiddo or more all day you will feel exhausted, overwhelmed and overstimulated and will definitely need cool down time (Doesn’t matter how much you love your kids or how good they are , it is just a demanding “job”, and any mom saying otherwise is lying or is rich and has a cleaner or a nanny to help)
Hubby and I split the time in the evenings but he likes to put her to bed. Weekends we split.

Instead of thinking it's "dumping" the kids on him, hopefully he sees it as his kids are excited to see him and wants to spend time with him before bed. With my hubby and I (we only have 1 so far) he'll come home, we will eat and then hang out till bath time. I do the bedtime routine, he'll have his goodnight game with LO and I put LO to bed. To us, this seems fair because he'll get time to himself for the rest of the night since I continue with bedtime routine. You have more kids (you'll want more help with bedtime routine) than me so I hope this still helps somewhat.

My hubby gets down whenever he holds our LO because all he does is looks where I am and my hubby is like LOOK AT ME AND LOVE ME 😂😂. He understands at this stage/age it's all about momma.

My husband gets an hour after he gets home to do what he needs. Whether it’s a nap, a cup of coffee and surfing his phone or sitting in the truck alone. He does bedtime routine to give my the time to myself but I also go to the gym too

He definitely resented me for awhile but we’re ok now lol

We have just decided recently I will stay home with our 2 for at least 3 years and then aim to find a job during school hours and continue to be the primary carer for them well into their teens/however long is needed. It is a big decision so it is important you both understand what it will mean to you both day to day. And be realistic.

I love my kids but my eldest who is 4.5 absolutely gets "dumped" on my partner the minute he finishes work. The younger one is too small still and attached to me, but we have many times mentioned him taking her when she is older, or taking them both, so I can run/go to yoga/eat in peace/etc.

As said somewhere above, while dad is working, mum is parenting alone, but once dad is clocked off, you are parenting 50/50. Please do not leave work agreeing to be 24/7 carer for the full family. Isn't fair on you and your kids.

Get it girrrrrl...

We try to communicate as clearly as possible and be really honest with each other, and I think he was more expressing his “fears” of how it’s going to go than what he thinks will be actual reality. We’re definitely going to have more talks about it. I appreciate the feedback and concerns and advice from you all!

My ex husband left me because of being a stay at home mom and he was upset that I needed help when he was home, our two kids at the time were 4 and 6 and both autistic (the 6 year old would have violent meltdowns only with me). Now 3 years later he sees them one day a month and Im doing it all on my own just getting child support from him. I can only work part time though cause of their therapies and need the flexibility.

I was a sahm with my first for four years and I'll be doing it with our second. When my husband finishes work he most certainly does have to help with the kids, he takes over while I sort dinner or take a shower. Your husband needs to suck it up. Going out to work doesn't make you exempt from parenting when you get home.
Mine wfh most of the time so he doesn't feel the jealous he doesn't get to be home part

1. He's concerned he needs to be a parent once he's home? The solution is have everyone say hello, hugs, kiss, and give him 20 minutes to decompress if he didn't already get to on the drive home. After that he's with you in the trenches of parenthood. Sometimes it is a good day. Sometimes it's not, and when you NEED that relief you tell him to prepare for it before he gets home. That's how we balance it.

Or if hubby gets the toddler right after work I will handle dinner and he does bath time. We swap on putting him down for bed. So we each get a small reprieve on the hardest days between. It makes quality time together a little harder sometimes but it's such a short season of life.

2. My husband wishes he had more time but understands that it's in our kids best interests that at least they have me there in that role while we are able to do this. He's not angry about it, it motivates him to work hard and come home grateful and willing to step up and go above and beyond to be with the kids.

If my husband works hard he also has the grace to understand sometimes the house will be a mess. And he is gracious about helping because it is a harder job being with the kids all day as you adjust than a structured job any day of the week.

If he's jealous he can't have time with the kids you think he'd appreciate being "dumped" the kids after work. Idk. Seems like more discussions about what state of home maintenance, finances and who handles them, how you feel supported best in each role needs to happen to be sure nothing come as a surprise.