Wtf am I crazy or just not getting it

I started marriage counseling with my partner of almost 12 years because I’m at my breaking point with him not being a partner.
3rd visit today and the first day where we moved past the hi my name is..and here’s my life story kind stuff and this lady said
My unwillingness to act as a mother figure and walk my husband how to do every little thing is actually my past trauma and I need to work on it.
And just because it was hard for me and I had to do it alone(husband was an alcoholic for the first 8 yrs of our relationship and I had to pretty much be a single mom) doesn’t mean that I should make him learn how to be an adult the same way
She insisted that the homework we do this week was me teaching him how to do the laundry step-by-step every single time it needed to be done to sit and hold his hand and walk him through it
Am I crazy for thinking this is absolutely ridiculous and enabling behavior

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I think it depends on perspective. Was he there to hear this? If so, I think it’s more of a big picture thing. Once you hold his hand and make sure everything is laid out, there’s no more excuses or weaponizing incompetence in the same way anymore. And not for nothing, but I’m sure as a man it didn’t feel good to hear someone say his wife should have to hand hold him to do these things so I do think it could do something to his mindset too. Maybe I’m completely off base, and I do understand why this completely FEELS like enabling his behavior but maybe further down the road it will make more sense. 🤷‍♀️🫶

It could very much be unhealed trauma. I want to agree with the therapist but I can very much also see your perspective when it comes to this. You are tired. I know you might not want to but like the above commenter stated once you show him then he can’t weaponize his incompetence any longer. You also can switch therapist if you do not feel you are a match once you do her homework and still feel some kind of way.

Maybe both. I would be pissed too but I guess do it once and write it down for him 😂 cuz every time? Girl what? You can’t fix everyone and some people want to. You e done your part by far, don’t let her think you didn’t.

Yes but now he’s being shown with th counselor coming behind you both and following up. That’s what’s new. She handles the accountability portion but first she must assign the homework. I say trust the process a little longer and if it’s not a good fit then it’s not a good fit and find another counselor. I don’t think her intention is for this to be long term or the expectation moving forward.

I think your therapist is ridiculous. Why can’t she give him homework starting with Google or YouTube how to do laundry.

Yeah I would be finding a new therapist or honestly would just give up on the idea all together.

This is so interesting. Maybe try it and see if it does work but also finding a new therapist is always an option especially if you don’t click.

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