Is this normal or do I just have a lazy partner?

My child’s father has been sleeping in the other room as I’m just so done with all the shit I have to deal with him. We are already on thin ice. I’ve voiced how I want him to actually be a partner and do his bit as a dad and work with me raising the kids, doing the shopping, cleaning the house cooking etc. he’s so lazy. This morning our three year old was really upset and didn’t want to go to nursery. He can hear this and I know he’s awake as I heard his alarm go off 20 mins before and know he’s just lying in his bed on his phone. Our daughter is being really difficult getting dressed but finally I manage. I then start doing her hair and when it comes to brushing her teeth she’s even more upset and crying. All the while he made himself a cup of tea, got himself ready and is sat on the toilet. I come out and start screaming at him why haven’t you helped as my stress levels are so high and he says well I’m driving her to nursery you’re not so you can get her ready. Nursery is literally a five min drive away in the direction of his work. Also I work too I just leave slightly later than them but have barely anytime to get myself ready when they leave. Is this normal or is this a bad partner?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

If that was us, we'd alternate days getting the kid ready. But if the other is struggling, the other comes in to see if they need support.
So its not normal in our household i'm afraid. At least he could have made you a cuppa tea!

I think you need to have a conversation about your roles and sharing this fairly

What a lazy bum of a man child. Eurgh what a massive turn off too 🥴

On the days your child goes to nursery, you should alternate who gets up with her and gets her dressed. Same goes for lie ins at weekends, dinner and bath time etc. As for chores, write up a rota so it’s 50-50.

It’s pathetic that you are also working too and doesn’t pull his weight. To answer your question - no it’s not normal behaviour for man to act like this. Only men who haven’t grown up and have been mollycoddled by their mothers and also don’t want to be fathers act like this.

To give you an example of a man who wants to be a father and lead the house - my husband was out of the house 6am-6pm. Soon as he got home, he made me a cup of tea, told me to put my feet up and watch TV. He cooked dinner, gave baby bottle, did bath and bedtime routine and came downstairs and cooked us dinner. He saw it as his job was a means to earn money to provide, whereas his real job as a parent took precedent.

Nope that’s ridiculous. Me and my partner currently share a car after mine was written off a couple months ago, this means I have to wake up at half 5 with him to get him to work so I can have the car, he will get himself and our daughter up and he’ll get her dressed and ready for nursery even tho she doesn’t start until 8:45! He’ll sort her some fruit or another snack for the journey to work, and allows me to get myself up and ready! That’s what a partner should do. I’m also 33 weeks pregnant so it helps so much, and it means when I get back all I have to do is sort her a proper breakfast and get her to nursery! Your partner is pure lazy.

The fact I’ve already spoken about this and have tried to keep it together for the sake of our family and things never change I really can’t keep living like this

in our community

Puree pouches

Can someone enlighten me on why NHS advises against too many food pouches in one week? When they're organic and no added extras? It makes me feel really guilty/lazy for giving him them

How would you feel?

Ever since the weather has been nicer my daughter (3 1/2) has been spending much of the day outside playing with neighborhood kids which I love!
I’m a little more concerned about the parents, these kids are mostly a little bit older than my daughter and mostly range from about 5-8 (although one is only 2 🙃) but their parents are never in sight and have never talk to us while their children play in our backyard for hours a day (houses back up to one another). The kids have no outside toys to play with (not sure why) so I’ve told them all they’re more than welcome to play with ours when we’re home.
But would anyone else feel weird about kids playing in your yard daily and their parents never even acknowledging you? Or is this just an age thing since they’re mostly older kids (although one is only two🙃)

Jimmy Carr - fat, stupid kids

I'm fully in agreement with this. I think 'stupid' is a bit harsh but yeah, you gotta be a bit strict with your kids and be the one to hold the boundaries.

One of our family members has a son , who has since 3 yr old, been allowed to help himself to the snack cupboard where there is chocolate, crisps any junk food when he is 'hungry'. He drinks fizzy pop and juice.
There is no limit on screen time and he spends most days on his computer in his room.
He is probably 3 times his healthy weight, if not more.

It is really sad to see- he's statistically likely to be bullied for his weight and he can't keep up with kids his age.

They are both big too (but did not grow up that way) I just don't know why you'd want it for your kids.

And yes, you can think I'm being too judgy , but that's a kid's life and your parental choices have had a massive effect on his health and path in life.

Best friend of 15 years called me a desperate homewrecker. Thinking If I should let this friendship go or try to talk it out

My coworkers (male) birthday is coming up (Friday) and he has tickets to this comedy show and reservations to an extremely nice restaurant that he had made months in advance. He’s been talking about it for weeks and was so excited. He was originally going to go with his wife but she got into a car accident 2 weeks ago and had emergency surgery on her foot so she can’t go then today his best friend canceled on him( he was going to go with him instead). He was really down and depressed when he came into work today and he’s never like that so I asked what was going on and he told me how his friend canceled so I offered to go with him. He got so happy and went back to his usual high energy happy self. I called my friend to ask her to go to the mall with me after work so I can find a nice outfit she said that it’s wrong and disrespectful and that “you’re giving desperate homewrecker” then hung up. Me and him have worked together for 4 years and have formed a really close friendship (I’m his assistant). I’m a single mom and he has been nothing but great to me and my daughter. We go to lunch together, Iv met his wife, taken me to work then back home when my car was being serviced then paid the bill when he took me to pick it up, he has even gotten gifts for my daughter. He is really a good guy and is someone I really trust and have the most respect for him I would never jeopardize our friendship. Im so hurt by her comments and not sure how to bring this up to her or even if I should call her. It’s been a few hours and she hasn’t tried to text or call me so I’m thinking i should just block her and move on

Crappy baby daddy

Just needed a vent really I left my baby daddy due to abuse towards myself and towards my son not so much my daughter (he used to just get angry with her when she was being a pterodactyl in the mornings)
But since I’ve moved on with someone who makes me happy and treats me right my baby daddy has refused to bring my children home to me and is controlling how and when I can speak to them this is only ever on FaceTime and I can only speak to my daughter when she’s having bath time and my son when he’s in the car and if he tried to tell me any personal information baby daddy always mutes the FaceTime and or tells him to “shut up” i just feel so alone with it all. Rant over

Trust.

I’ve got a dilemma. I’m struggling with an issue I’ve had for a while well ever since we met 5 years ago (we have a child) . My partner acts quite secretive like for instance I don’t know the passcode to his phone
(never have) , if I ask to look at a photo he’s taken he sends me it rather than hand me his phone to look, he has a PIN number on his YouTube acc, his laptop and his PlayStation oh and also he wouldn’t download life360 as he felt I was checking up on him… I’m not overly jealous but don’t like it when he adds random female work colleagues he’s just met on his FB and insta as I see that as a sign of disrespect and just unnecessary.

I tried to talk to him about it but he just gaslights me. He sees nothing wrong in his ways and says it’s all in my head and I’m just insecure.
I just want to feel like he’s being open and honest and got nothing to hide. We have a great life together and I don’t want to spoil that but if he doesn’t change and become more open about this stuff then I don’t think I will be happy in this relationship… is this all in my head? Or is his behaviour odd?