Is this normal or do I just have a lazy partner?

If that was us, we'd alternate days getting the kid ready. But if the other is struggling, the other comes in to see if they need support.
So its not normal in our household i'm afraid. At least he could have made you a cuppa tea!

I think you need to have a conversation about your roles and sharing this fairly

What a lazy bum of a man child. Eurgh what a massive turn off too 🥴

On the days your child goes to nursery, you should alternate who gets up with her and gets her dressed. Same goes for lie ins at weekends, dinner and bath time etc. As for chores, write up a rota so it’s 50-50.

It’s pathetic that you are also working too and doesn’t pull his weight. To answer your question - no it’s not normal behaviour for man to act like this. Only men who haven’t grown up and have been mollycoddled by their mothers and also don’t want to be fathers act like this.

To give you an example of a man who wants to be a father and lead the house - my husband was out of the house 6am-6pm. Soon as he got home, he made me a cup of tea, told me to put my feet up and watch TV. He cooked dinner, gave baby bottle, did bath and bedtime routine and came downstairs and cooked us dinner. He saw it as his job was a means to earn money to provide, whereas his real job as a parent took precedent.

Nope that’s ridiculous. Me and my partner currently share a car after mine was written off a couple months ago, this means I have to wake up at half 5 with him to get him to work so I can have the car, he will get himself and our daughter up and he’ll get her dressed and ready for nursery even tho she doesn’t start until 8:45! He’ll sort her some fruit or another snack for the journey to work, and allows me to get myself up and ready! That’s what a partner should do. I’m also 33 weeks pregnant so it helps so much, and it means when I get back all I have to do is sort her a proper breakfast and get her to nursery! Your partner is pure lazy.

The fact I’ve already spoken about this and have tried to keep it together for the sake of our family and things never change I really can’t keep living like this

It’s hard to teach someone in the heat of the moment — people just get defensive.

If you can, set aside some calm time (walk/coffee) to talk about specific actions and how they make you feel, and be clear on what you actually need from him. Try to keep it about behaviours, not who he is as a person.

Frame it as something you’re tackling together — put the problem in the middle and work as a team to fix it.

You have to delegate what you want him to do. Make a list for tomorrow morning. I need you to brush teeth, put on clothes etc

I totally understand you getting totally overwhelmed and burnt out and full of resentment. I've been there too.

But. He obviously isn't going to proactively offer help. So your first communication with him that day was screaming "why haven't you come to help?"

What you need to do is, after you hear his alarm go off, walk in and say "hey, I'm really overwhelmed, I need you to get up and help".

If he point blank refuses to help when you ask...well...he doesn't care about you enough to prioritise your needs over his whims. So you should leave.

Take care of yourself, change your routine in the morning, wake up earlier than usual.
Shower first so YOUR ready for the day.
Have a hot drink
Now it's time to get baby ready...

Idk but you could always ask the night before if he can please get baby ready in the morning.

Talk to him and tell him things needs to change. Sounds like what im going through. I had to ask mine to give them and a bath and I shouldn't have to at all. He won't even budget and will allow me to do everything when it comes to the children. Its 2 littles one so I definitely should be getting more help. I just started telling him you have bath time tonight. He did it and I will continue to do it bcus im not burning myself out anymore. He tried to tell me based off his feelings for me he doesnt want to even help me etc lol which is a total excuse not to parent. I told him well you do it if you have an issue with me. Step up and take over tf. That's total BS . So stand your ground and tell him what needs to be done or you're gone.

My husband wakes up before me normally as I feed our 3 month old in the middle of the night. My toddler wakes up early with him and my husband feeds him, himself and puts the clean dishes away sometimes makes a cuppa too. I get him ready for nursery but, having him feed and happy in the morning makes a lot of difference for me.
I know you've talked to him so many times but, maybe try and find time when you are both calm and tell him how it's all making you feel and what you need from him as a partner and father. If things aren't improving then consider your next steps. It's not good for your daughter seeing this constant tension between you either. She has to be the biggest consideration when it comes to your final decision.

Thanks ladies for your advice. I have spoken to him about this countless times, I’m just so tired. Like why is he so incompetent to even know he should ‘help’ out. I literally hate saying help too because we made this child together it shouldn’t be all my job and he just helps out here and there. And the fact that I always have to give him a list of things to do otherwise he wouldn’t (even then it’s not like he does) but he is a grown up and has eyes and ears and should know what needs to be doing. Just crazy at this point, feel like I’m a mother to him not a partner

I think the best option is to leave (as these aren’t my only issues with him) but just so hard when I don’t earn much and I worry about the dynamic and how it would affect our daughter. I don’t even have time to think as I’m always so busy doing everything

I hate to tell you but if you treat your partner like an incapable son, he will never stop acting like one in this relationship. Men fall into that mode when their relationship with you reminds them of the adolescent relationship they had with their mother.... They get unfortunately comfortable there. I'm not saying it's your fault or anything, but you do have some power here in shifting the dynamic.

Honestly your partner needs an ultimatum.
Either he works together as partners to help support you around the house, shopping and childcare.

Or he leaves and you will take the responsibility to raise your child and do everything on your own.
Because you are not going to put up with someone who doesn't pull their weight as a partner and as a father.

Mend your relationship and work on your connection or give up.

Yelling doesn't work, the cycle just repeats itself and you go around in circles repeating the same shit every week.

Tell him you will leave if things don't get better or change.

I had a partner exactly like this. If he can see you stressed like this on a daily basis and not help he does NOT care. I left, and life felt a lot easier without him there. My current partner is always looking for ways to make life for our family easier, and I would never have to ask him to do anything. There are men that will put you and your family first

You have tried and talked to him countless times.
Unfortunately he just isn't committed enough to the relationship. If he was committed to the relationship he would listen and change his ways to be a better more supportive partner and be more involved.

The right partner will never have you in a position where you have to beg him to help you or for him to change, he simply steps up regardless.
You will know the difference and it's seriously stress free. ☺️❤️

Have a serious talk with him and write all the tasks you guys do everyday. Everything. He will have to say and recognize he is a useless ass. If he doesn't make a quick change after that, run.

thank you girl- I feel like you really get where I’m coming from. It’s like why do I have to always do all the mental work. He has eyes and ears. He should see where he should be doing his part as a parent too. It’s literally weaponised incompetence