Toddler sleep and parent frustration

Hi all
I have a toddler (3.5 yrs) and newborn (10 wks).

My toddler has always been a horrible sleeper. It took 3 yrs to be able to get her to sleep in her own bed/room and she still ends up in our bed almost every night.

My biggest issue is that it takes anywhere up to 3 hrs straight to get her to finally sleep every.single.night. the most it has taken before is 5 hours and i almost checked myself into a mental hospital after it.

This shit is DRAINING and i find it extremely hard to self regulate when ive literally been in tears begging her to just close her fkn eyes for hours. Not to mention the guilt i feel every night for always threatening, bribing, and yelling.

Now that i have a newborn it is even worse because my babys witching hour has been starting at the same time as my toddlers usual "start the bedtime process" is and she cant be calmed unless shes on my boob yet my toddler wont sleep unless im with her too.

What do i do?
My husband and MIL try to help and weve adjusted bedtimes etc and tried everything over the last couple of years.

I spend every single night so stressed, zero time for myself, wracked with guilt but regretting having kids.

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I had the same sort of thing with my now 5yr old (she was 3yrs exactly when my daughter was born). She was used to sleeping in bed with me, for months before baby came I tried many things, putting her in a room with her brother, getting her to sleep with her dad.. but nothing worked, she would just wake during the night and cry for me waking everyone up. Once the baby was born, I kept her in my bed and baby was In bassinet until out grew and then I had the both them in my bed and I was getting kicked out every night. I tried multiple times for her to sleep with her dad and it would end in tears and yelling cause I was so tired. I decided to get a single bed and just put it in my room next to my bed and it worked wonders. She’s happy to have her own bed but still close to me, and I’m happy cause it gives me space lol. Im currently pregnant with #4 so I’m now worried what I’m going to do once Bub gets here now #3 sleeps in my bed 🤪

I think doing what everyone is happy with for the time being is easiest…. They don’t stay this small forever and won’t want to share forever either 🫶

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