in

England

Boundaries

I recently gave birth via an emergency C-section after being induced, and I honestly haven’t been able to stop replaying the whole experience in my head. Baby is okay thankfully, but it was a lot.

I was discharged, came home, and within an hour my MIL showed up unannounced with her mum and sister. I hadn’t even had a chance to shower, baby hadn’t settled, and they were passing her around without even washing their hands. No one really checked on me either. I’d literally just had surgery and come home from hospital. While I went to the loo, they were also taking pictures of my baby and circulating them among themselves, which really didn’t sit right with me.

Then a few days later (baby was only 6 days old), my husband’s whole family showed up unannounced again while baby was under phototherapy and I was breastfeeding. It felt like such an invasion of privacy. Baby was being passed around, everyone giving advice I didn’t ask for, and again barely anyone asking how I’m actually doing. My mil’s sister from the previous visit walks in and starts mingling with the other unannounced guests and finally looks at my me and says “oh I didn’t even see you”.

And now that same sister has messaged asking to come over with HER sister-in-law… who I don’t even know.

I completely understand everyone is excited, but I feel really overwhelmed, exposed, and honestly a bit disregarded. I’m trying to recover, establish breastfeeding, and just bond with my baby, and it feels like I haven’t had a moment to breathe.

I’m now trying to set boundaries like no unannounced visits and keeping it to immediate family for now, but it’s hard and I feel guilty even though I know I shouldn’t.

I feel like I’m slowly losing it with them and just needed a place to vent.