So my husband said am a retard sometimes and it did hurt my feelings am I bad for feeling like this
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In my house that's considered a slur. It's not nice to say. Depending on context we would say “a person with a disability” or state said disability (ex. person with autism, person with downsyndrome, etc) we do not put others down. The context he used was meant to intentionally hurt you. That super sucks and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. That doesn't seem like a relationship you deserve.

We don't even use that word for strangers let alone each other.

You’re not wrong for feeling like that. I wouldn’t even want to be acquaintances with someone who’s comfortable using that word, never mind married to