Still in the NICU
My baby was born on April 14th at 33w3d. He's been doing so well this whole time and is on his last step before discharge. I've been staying with him, it's cheaper, I don't work, I don't have my own personal vehicle, so my husband comes and goes outside of work. My mom comes and visits when she can. I spent last night back at home for the first day. I definitely was not ready before but all of this in and out with the nurses. The beeps. The monitors. I'm burnt out. I've been in this hospital for 16 days now including my stay. I'm just on edge. I feel like the whole hormone drop has arrived. My healing has been great, I've dealt with prior poor mental health and truly this baby has helped me so much to find purpose and stay on track, be calm and collected.
Him being alive and well made me happy enough before but I guess being in this hospital has just gotten to me. I'm fighting tears too often. I'm wondering what's best for me, to stay by his side or give myself more breaks. I know he is ok staying here. And regardless of anything I will still be here everyday. I have nowhere else I need to be. I truly wish someone could just tell me what to do. What would be best.
I think I'm gonna start sleeping at home and coming to make sure I catch most of his day feeds as that is the last step for him before discharge. Genuinely. If you've been in my shoes. Tell me it gets better.
I've been so encouraged to watch him get better each day and sometimes what the nurses say just makes me feel defeated. I know he's learning, I know he needs time but he's still progressing. Why not uplift us instead of trying to over explain how hard it is for him or telling me what he'll be able to do even after he leaves. Just let him grow ☹️
It's so hard for me to take a step back though because of all the small things. The nurses forget to swaddle him properly, or burp him so he'll sit in spit up for simply too long. This morning while I was home, I check the camera and the plug for his feeding tube was hanging outside of his crib so he basically was pulling it off of his face just by turning his head 🤦🏽♀️ I just wanna be his mama at home!!!!
We had our 2nd baby last week and my husband has no patience for our toddler
Obviously it's a big adjustment for everyone and there has been a lot of tears from all 4 of us.
But I've noticed my husband, particularly today, just doesn't have the patience for our toddler.
And I totally get it, it's difficult trying to balance both children and we're burning out because of the lack of sleep having a newborn. But I'm still finding it in me to grit my teeth and not snap at our son. He's only 2.5, he's a handful but honestly such a good child and could be far worse. He's just struggling not being our centre of attention 24/7 anymore.
My husband has said twice today in front of him that he is so annoying. I get it, but I don't like that he said it out loud in front of him. He also grabbed his arm and yanked him off the couch really roughly which is completely out of character. I immediately snapped at him for it and I can tell he feels bad. Toddler started crying and wanted me to do bedtime routine tonight, doesn't want his dad to be near him now.
Its just difficult because I understand how hard it is, I'm crying every day and my hormones are completely messed up, but I don't think it's fair that our toddler faces the brunt of it just because he's being more of a handful than usual, it's a lot for him too.
I just needed to vent really. It sucks, I just wish things were easier. And I really don't want to be getting upset with my husband right now because we need to lean on each other atm. Its hard
