Still in the NICU

My baby was born on April 14th at 33w3d. He's been doing so well this whole time and is on his last step before discharge. I've been staying with him, it's cheaper, I don't work, I don't have my own personal vehicle, so my husband comes and goes outside of work. My mom comes and visits when she can. I spent last night back at home for the first day. I definitely was not ready before but all of this in and out with the nurses. The beeps. The monitors. I'm burnt out. I've been in this hospital for 16 days now including my stay. I'm just on edge. I feel like the whole hormone drop has arrived. My healing has been great, I've dealt with prior poor mental health and truly this baby has helped me so much to find purpose and stay on track, be calm and collected.

Him being alive and well made me happy enough before but I guess being in this hospital has just gotten to me. I'm fighting tears too often. I'm wondering what's best for me, to stay by his side or give myself more breaks. I know he is ok staying here. And regardless of anything I will still be here everyday. I have nowhere else I need to be. I truly wish someone could just tell me what to do. What would be best.

I think I'm gonna start sleeping at home and coming to make sure I catch most of his day feeds as that is the last step for him before discharge. Genuinely. If you've been in my shoes. Tell me it gets better.

I've been so encouraged to watch him get better each day and sometimes what the nurses say just makes me feel defeated. I know he's learning, I know he needs time but he's still progressing. Why not uplift us instead of trying to over explain how hard it is for him or telling me what he'll be able to do even after he leaves. Just let him grow ☹️

It's so hard for me to take a step back though because of all the small things. The nurses forget to swaddle him properly, or burp him so he'll sit in spit up for simply too long. This morning while I was home, I check the camera and the plug for his feeding tube was hanging outside of his crib so he basically was pulling it off of his face just by turning his head 🤦🏽‍♀️ I just wanna be his mama at home!!!!

in our community

Mycarrypotty - essential or overrated?

As the title says, really. Starting to prepare myself for potty training LO and wondering if mycarrypotty is really as brilliant as the ads make out or if I would be spending £25-30 on a gimmick?

I'm honestly feeling pretty overwhelmed with it at the moment, so any tips or recommended reading also welcome

I AM RAGING

My partner works 12 hours while I’m home with the baby and toddler, I’m always cleaning the house looking after the kids and forever overstimulated when he’s at work. When he’s off I’ve asked him today to help me clean the house; he’s taken the piss coming home and I’ve nearly cleaned everything on my own. I’m standing in the kitchen doing the dishes and he has the nerve while he’s taking the washed clothes out the machine to tell me they ain’t even washed properly. I’ve crashed out and said I’ve had enough it’s the fact I’ve cleaned the whole house while you fucked off and took your time getting in the house and now have one job to do and the audacity and never to tell me they ain’t even washed properly. He then says shit like what do you even do? Are you tucking serious right now. I’ve birthed two FUCKING kids I deal with a newborn who’s a few weeks old and a toddler in the terrible twos. Cook clean. What the fuck does he do apart from talk shit and question what I do while he’s at work like he genuinely believes I sit on my fucking ass doing nothing I am FUMING. If I don’t do the cleaning or cooking nothing is fucking done I’m fucking tired of his bullshit

Unsupportive partner

I feel trapped and alone with a husband who respects none of my boundaries with our baby.

We got pregnant/married very quickly and I ended up moving in with my husband and his parents days before I had a c section. My husband avoided most conversations about the baby (she was unwanted by him at the time) but I made it clear I didn’t want visitors in the hospital, wanted privacy with the baby when we got home, nobody holding the baby until I was ready- definitely no kissing the baby etc and he briefly said yes to that. My in laws had always been lovely and respectful so wasn’t expecting any push back at all.

In order to not make the longest post ever- it was a disaster. Every boundary was broken consistently. E.g visiting hours after my c section, holding and kissing the baby, sharing photos, husband giving baby to them when I finally crashed out after 72hours being awake, doing skin to skin with her when I hadn’t even! Never asking my permission for anything only their son who was only too happy to say yes. Letting the neighbour hold my newborn when I was asleep! I developed PPA and was in hell. I have no friends or family and was trapped in this house with a husband who ignored my wishes and called me too strict. He would fall asleep with the baby on the sofa repeatedly, so I sacrificed nearly all my sleep to make sure I was watching her constantly. He sees a psychiatrist so I was hoping he’d give him some good advice- instead he told him he should trust his own judgment if he feels awake enough to sit on the sofa with her in the night. And yet he has no control over falling asleep! This is a man who has fallen asleep at the wheel, on the toilet, standing up…

I finally put my foot down when she was 6 months. I was at the point of a breakdown and retreated. Nobody was holding the baby anymore and I would supervise when others were around her. Resentment built in my husband. He calls me controlling and says he has the right to do whatever he wants as her father. Yet, he is so reckless and has no boundaries.

I’m utterly alone. He’s started lying all the time now and breaking all the promises he has made me. She is now 11 months and he has been threatening to leave me. I have no where to go, no family, just some savings. He has also said he would want overnights yet I could never be on board with that. He isn’t safe. We breastfeed all night and co sleep anyway- I do nights alone and I’m her comfort but he dismisses the importance of our breastfeeding bond and says she doesn’t need it anymore.

I started spending more and more time with the baby around the in laws hoping it would make him happy but he only demanded more. I tutor part time and would have panic attacks hearing him handing her over to his parents, while I worked upstairs. (After he promised he wouldn’t).

So, I’ve temporarily bent. I’ve loosened my boundaries. I’ve told him I need to let go of the past and trust them all again. Because I fear us splitting, being on my own in the world with our baby with no support. I don’t trust nurseries or childminders because of my own experiences when younger. I wouldn’t be able to make an income and afford a place alone. And he’d get unsupervised access and maybe overnights with our baby and I can’t let her safety be risked like that.

(He’s also got a terrible best friend who has been harassing me and trying to meet our baby- I’ve firmly held on to this boundary- but I fear he would take her to him if we were no longer together).

I’m just somebody whose been trying to hold her family together and keep her baby safe and yet I feel I’ve been punished so much for it.

I’m sorry for this long, rambling post if you are still reading. I feel utterly helpless and alone.

Nursery funding

Me & my partner are both in work, he makes £1,300 a month and I make a minimum of about £400 a month. Our 2 year old son is in nursery two days a week costing us £400/£450 a month. I’ve looked into getting nursery funding but according to the internet, we’re not eligible. Does this sound right? I know this might change when he turns 3 but when I mentioned not being eligible to the nursery, they seemed a bit shocked so I thought it was worth asking here incase anyone makes around the same amount & gets funding. Thanks! ☺️

Husband and baby

Hi everyone, I’m not really sure how to word this so please be kind I’m not moaning at all, just looking for a bit of advice or to see if anyone has had a similar experience 🤍

My husband is incredibly loving and doting with our baby (2 weeks old, very much wanted).

We’re pretty much 50/50 with care. he does nights on his side getting up for feeds/changes while I pump, we do baths together, and he’s been amazing with baby and around the house especially while I’m still healing. I don’t ask him to do anything he just does it

The thing we’re struggling with a bit is that he’s quite sensitive to noise/sensory things, and the crying really affects him. It seems to cause him a lot of anxiety and he can get quite overwhelmed and upset.he’s finding it hard to relax and enjoy baby unless she’s asleep because he’s constantly on edge waiting for baby to cry.

I think he’s feeling like he’s not coping very well or doing a good job I think he’s worried about how he’s doing and needs to just put on a brave face and suck it up?

Our baby is at that stage where they grunt a lot, makes loads of noises, and sometimes cries even when all needs are met which I know is completely normal. I feel like I’m coping well with that side of things, but he’s finding it much harder and has said it’s more overwhelming and harder than he expected. I can tell it’s getting him down a bit, even though he’s still so gentle and caring with baby and me

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced something similar with their partner? Did it get easier with time, or did anything help them cope better?

I really want to support him in the best way I can

Needs some advise

I’d like some honest opinions from other mums about something.

My husband is generally a very good husband and a great father to our son, who is nearly four. But sometimes I feel quite restricted in my freedom, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.

For example, if I go out for coffee with friends for 2–3 hours, he’ll message asking when I’m coming back. If I spend the day out, like I did yesterday with a friend visiting from my home country, he gets upset that I was out all day and came home late - he’s also not speaking with me because of that. He often says he supports me going out, but seems uncomfortable if I stay out too long - I don’t go out to often.

The same thing has happened with work opportunities. I’ve had job offers that involved travelling for work, and he was completely against me going.

What makes me question this even more is that I honestly wouldn’t mind if he had to travel for work, went to play football, or went out for a beer with friends. I’d see that as completely normal.

Am I wrong for feeling this is unfair? I’d really value hearing other mums’ perspectives.