Is my partner being unreasonable?

Bit of a long post but I’m a 24 year old mam to a 2 year old and 9 month old baby. Me and my partner get on really well and he’s a brilliant father however he has issues with me going out without him. For context I rarely ever go out and have probably been out with friends or family around 3 times since having my first born almost 3 years ago. I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me but he makes me feel so bad about going anywhere that I just feel like not going. It’s my birthday in 3 weeks and my mam has organised for us to go out for a few drinks with my sister and two aunties the weekend before. When mentioned to my partner he was really funny about the situation and said that he doesn’t agree with me going out as we should be spending time as a family instead. My friends birthday is 3 weeks after and have mentioned going out and again this caused a big argument between us as he said he doesn’t want to be with someone who constantly goes out etc… I never ever go out it just happens that the two occasions are in the same month. I feel on egg shells whenever someone asks me to go out for a drink and I don’t want to lose my friends either. I literally live for my family but it’s nice to let my hair down and enjoy time with friends and family. He says that we never go out together which is true but this is because I have no one to watch my children as my mam is ill and I simply feel uncomfortable leaving them with his mother and father as they don’t see them often enough (this is another argument we have often). He then says after an argument “just go if you want to” after making me feel so bad in the first place. Am I being unfair by wanting to go out? I just rather keep the peace and like I said I love him so much as a person I couldn’t ask for a better father but this is a issue that comes up often in our relationship and I’m not sure it can be fixed as we quite clearly have different opinions.

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I hate being the first person to say this but IMHO this is completely unreasonable and toxic behavior. And very controlling. Guilt tripping you into not doing something that makes you happy? Not okay. Here's one question that could help clear things up some- How often does HE go out?

Oh honey. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.

Let me start by answering your question clearly and directly before I share some additional thoughts: yes - your partner is being unreasonable.

Now that’s out of the way, let me elaborate further: his behaviour is ALL red flags. It is controlling and scary. It is isolating. It is manipulative.

Yes, you two get on really well, but consider what you need to compromise, let go, and otherwise silence in order to “keep the peace”. That’s not getting on well. That’s you getting smaller and smaller to survive and exist in an unhealthy relationship.

What’s more: your kids will see this and learn from it as they get older. They won’t see their mom as an individual with her own hopes, dreams, ambitions, and interests, but as a person to serve the family.

A person can be a wonderful father and not a wonderful partner. He can continue to be a brilliant father to his children without being in a romantic/sexual relationship with their mom.

You have to understand that these are HUGE red flags. You’re so young and may not understand, but any man who tries to keep you from doing things with other people is controlling and toxic.

No you are not being unfair wanting to go out. He however is being unfair, unreasonable and controlling. Starting fights and making you worry about the tension that will accompany mentions of going out is toxic as fuck. Personally if my husband carried on like that he would be told to fuck right off. You deserve better and I hope you see that

Nope u not being unfair. And having community and u time is important for u as a person and mother and wife. So … go…. And dnt feel bad.

Girl just go out, he will be fine and get over it. Sometimes my man doesn’t agree with me going out but I do whatever the fuck I want. I like to club. I can go clubbing 5 times in 3 months and then not go out for the next 2 months it just depends on my mood. I tell him out of respect not to ask for permission. I am an outgoing person and no one can stop my shine. Go out if you feel like it baby

thank you! Honestly he never ever goes out and doesn’t have many friends where we live which is why I feel a little sorry for him too as he only really has me but he’s got to undertstand that I do still have friends and I’m happy for him to make new friends and socialise x

Thanks everyone for your comments! We’ve had a serious chat tonight about how it makes me feel etc and he has apologised and said that he can see how he comes across as controlling and he doesn’t want to be this way. He said going forward that he just wants me to do what makes me happy but knowing that he had those thoughts does make me feel a bit on edge. I hope we can overcome it but I will be sticking to my guns and going out to enjoy myself❤️ I also hope that he can make new friends and have that socialisation as I think a huge reason for his behaviour is not understanding that socialising with others is important but he wouldn’t know as such as he never goes out as he doesn’t have many friends in the area. I hate to write on here behind his back as honestly he a great person in other aspects I was just questioning myself on this situation but I know now that I was right. I have told him he either sucks it up or I’m gone because I’m too young to be in a relationship where I feel

So restricted, thank you all for your comments in making me feel like I’m not going crazy haha! X

This is amazing and I'm so happy he was receptive to you and the conversation.

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I feel trapped and alone with a husband who respects none of my boundaries with our baby.

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I finally put my foot down when she was 6 months. I was at the point of a breakdown and retreated. Nobody was holding the baby anymore and I would supervise when others were around her. Resentment built in my husband. He calls me controlling and says he has the right to do whatever he wants as her father. Yet, he is so reckless and has no boundaries.

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Hi everyone, I’m not really sure how to word this so please be kind I’m not moaning at all, just looking for a bit of advice or to see if anyone has had a similar experience 🤍

My husband is incredibly loving and doting with our baby (2 weeks old, very much wanted).

We’re pretty much 50/50 with care. he does nights on his side getting up for feeds/changes while I pump, we do baths together, and he’s been amazing with baby and around the house especially while I’m still healing. I don’t ask him to do anything he just does it

The thing we’re struggling with a bit is that he’s quite sensitive to noise/sensory things, and the crying really affects him. It seems to cause him a lot of anxiety and he can get quite overwhelmed and upset.he’s finding it hard to relax and enjoy baby unless she’s asleep because he’s constantly on edge waiting for baby to cry.

I think he’s feeling like he’s not coping very well or doing a good job I think he’s worried about how he’s doing and needs to just put on a brave face and suck it up?

Our baby is at that stage where they grunt a lot, makes loads of noises, and sometimes cries even when all needs are met which I know is completely normal. I feel like I’m coping well with that side of things, but he’s finding it much harder and has said it’s more overwhelming and harder than he expected. I can tell it’s getting him down a bit, even though he’s still so gentle and caring with baby and me

I just wondered if anyone else has experienced something similar with their partner? Did it get easier with time, or did anything help them cope better?

I really want to support him in the best way I can

We had our 2nd baby last week and my husband has no patience for our toddler

Obviously it's a big adjustment for everyone and there has been a lot of tears from all 4 of us.
But I've noticed my husband, particularly today, just doesn't have the patience for our toddler.
And I totally get it, it's difficult trying to balance both children and we're burning out because of the lack of sleep having a newborn. But I'm still finding it in me to grit my teeth and not snap at our son. He's only 2.5, he's a handful but honestly such a good child and could be far worse. He's just struggling not being our centre of attention 24/7 anymore.

My husband has said twice today in front of him that he is so annoying. I get it, but I don't like that he said it out loud in front of him. He also grabbed his arm and yanked him off the couch really roughly which is completely out of character. I immediately snapped at him for it and I can tell he feels bad. Toddler started crying and wanted me to do bedtime routine tonight, doesn't want his dad to be near him now.

Its just difficult because I understand how hard it is, I'm crying every day and my hormones are completely messed up, but I don't think it's fair that our toddler faces the brunt of it just because he's being more of a handful than usual, it's a lot for him too.

I just needed to vent really. It sucks, I just wish things were easier. And I really don't want to be getting upset with my husband right now because we need to lean on each other atm. Its hard