Literally heartbroken
If you take the time to read this, then thank you, so much.
Tonight I have cried my eyes out for over an hour, thinking why do I deserve my children.
As a family we sat down and had a meal, that I had spent 2 hours preparing and cooking - our 7 month old is doing BLW, he was gagging, my husband will continuously interfere by trying to put water in his mouth, I spoke and said it’s best not to do that, it’s a natural thing they need to learn. He disagreed, literally did not want to listen.
I am struggling so badly at the moment with a toddler who turn 2 last month and a 7 month old, a SAHM who has worked all her life. I’m do get cross sometimes as my toddler will push me, my baby will cry whatever I try to do to help him. I have done EVERY night feed and wake up, even after an emergency CS. And tonight, my husband said that I don’t contribute to pay towards anything, I am horrible to my kids, I tell them no, I don’t go to work… i literally do 2 x £100 monthly food shops in a month, look after kids 24/7 with no break, been potty training, buy their clothes, the nappies, the general care and dr appts, the tantrums.
We have our arguments. But tonight hurt me. Like a blunt knife stabbing me over and over again. I feel like I shouldn’t have been given the opportunity to be a mum, especially after 2 miscarriages (with my husband so he knows). I just want to run away. But I love my kids too much. I try my hardest, I really do. I’ve always suffered with mental health, emotions, etc, he knows that. My kids are my life and tonight I looked at them and thought they just deserve so much better than me. 😭😭