Am I in the wrong?
My husband was in a really bad car accident. They weren’t sure if he was going to make it. He got life flighted and needed multiple surgeries. When I got the call, I was so scared. I packed the kids up and went straight to the hospital, where we stayed until they made us leave, and then I got us a motel near the hospital so we could be there in the morning. In the morning the news wasn’t good and this was when they spoke about life flighting him 3 hours away. I called my mom and asked her to take the kids for the night so I could be there with him. For the duration we were in the hospital, I had the routine of taking the kids to school, driving back to the hospital, staying until 5pm and then leaving to be home by 8 to get the kids to bed. From 5-8 (when their school/aftercare ends to when I got them) they were safe at my mom’s house playing and watching movies. This routine went for 3 days, because then the weekend hit and we all went to the hospital and colored/played bored games in his hospital room with my husband who was in recovery, awake, and in surprisingly good spirits.
Anyways, my mom ended up texting me as we were being discharged and told me she feels I chose my husband over my kids. She said if I was taking a whole week off of work I should’ve been taking them places and having fun with my kids. She says there was no reason for me to have been in that hospital because I’m not a doctor, and he had professionals taking care of him. She believes I failed my kids, and accused me of not loving them. She said it’s so sad I chose a man over my children (my dying husband and father of my children, to be clear). I told her she was being ridiculous and she flipped out more. Now every day since we’ve gotten home, she texts me calling me a horrible mother and saying I need to leave my husband because he’s a “loser” now that he’s can’t walk so he can’t provide for us. She accuses me of not loving kids daily, makes threats to take them from me, and says I don’t protect them or do my job as a mother.
To add more context here, I’m a good fucking mom. People always compliment me for how I handle situations. I am involved in the school, I sit at every single soccer practice/dance practice/ recital/ music lesson, etc. I encourage all their dreams. We have family movie nights and game nights and they have everything they need in life. Full bellies, showers, warm beds, and a loving home.
So what would you have done? Was I wrong?
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You can get the scissors and cut that bitch off cuz what the actual fuck?
Oh, love. I’m so sorry she’s being like this. Honestly, that would be the one and only chance for me. Your husband needs support and your kids and cared for while you’re sitting in with him, I see zero issue. She is the problem. It’s not like you completely abandoned them, you kept up your routine. She expects you to pull them out of school for a week to go sit at a hospital? That is not a place for kids, plus you brought them on the weekend anyways.
I would honestly find alternate care for your kiddos if you need them and go no contact. None of what she’s said is okay.
Your mum sounds unhelpful and patronising. If this happened to her, or anyone else for that matter, they would be hysterical that their partner could lose their life. That’s the father of your children. I’d say thank you for watching them for you whilst you two were in the thick of it and leave it at that because people like this aren’t worth the time and energy fighting with, they will always belittle and make you feel like you’ve done something wrong. You did what was best for your family and your partner, don’t let her make you feel bad.
Girl I couldn’t even finish reading, create a different inner circle and fuck your mom!
Wow your mom sounds awful. I would cut her off. I will give you your child's perspective.
My dad had a brain injury when I was 8, my mom did everything she could to take care of him and us kids. My mom is the strongest person I have ever known, she took care of him for 17 years until he passed away. My brother and I love her so much for all the sacrifices she made and how much she did for us while taking care of the man she loved that turned into practically another child for her.
Your children will grow so much and become such incredible humans knowing what you have done for their father.
My mom is literally the greatest human I know, and if she just left my dad, I don't know if I would have forgiven her.
Your mom sounds insane. When my dad had a heart attack when I was little he was in the hospital for almost two months. My mom stayed with him every day and I was with family until the hospital also let me stay with them. Your husband is your life partner of course you’re going to be there.
This is wild, I am so sorry. Know that you absolutely did the right thing, and your husband and kids will feel that. Your family must be going through so much right now, and for your mom to be making it that much harder when you’re in need, is totally unacceptable. Her toxic behavior and words is the last thing you need right now, try to create some distance so you can hold it together for your family. Hugs to you all 💗
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