Am I in the wrong?
My husband was in a really bad car accident. They weren’t sure if he was going to make it. He got life flighted and needed multiple surgeries. When I got the call, I was so scared. I packed the kids up and went straight to the hospital, where we stayed until they made us leave, and then I got us a motel near the hospital so we could be there in the morning. In the morning the news wasn’t good and this was when they spoke about life flighting him 3 hours away. I called my mom and asked her to take the kids for the night so I could be there with him. For the duration we were in the hospital, I had the routine of taking the kids to school, driving back to the hospital, staying until 5pm and then leaving to be home by 8 to get the kids to bed. From 5-8 (when their school/aftercare ends to when I got them) they were safe at my mom’s house playing and watching movies. This routine went for 3 days, because then the weekend hit and we all went to the hospital and colored/played bored games in his hospital room with my husband who was in recovery, awake, and in surprisingly good spirits.
Anyways, my mom ended up texting me as we were being discharged and told me she feels I chose my husband over my kids. She said if I was taking a whole week off of work I should’ve been taking them places and having fun with my kids. She says there was no reason for me to have been in that hospital because I’m not a doctor, and he had professionals taking care of him. She believes I failed my kids, and accused me of not loving them. She said it’s so sad I chose a man over my children (my dying husband and father of my children, to be clear). I told her she was being ridiculous and she flipped out more. Now every day since we’ve gotten home, she texts me calling me a horrible mother and saying I need to leave my husband because he’s a “loser” now that he’s can’t walk so he can’t provide for us. She accuses me of not loving kids daily, makes threats to take them from me, and says I don’t protect them or do my job as a mother.
To add more context here, I’m a good fucking mom. People always compliment me for how I handle situations. I am involved in the school, I sit at every single soccer practice/dance practice/ recital/ music lesson, etc. I encourage all their dreams. We have family movie nights and game nights and they have everything they need in life. Full bellies, showers, warm beds, and a loving home.
So what would you have done? Was I wrong?
Feeling alone and lost
I'm ready for another baby now. I want one really really badly. It has always been my dream to have a large family, like 10 kids. And when my husband and I were dating, he agreed that's something he would love. Now it feels like he's backing out on me. He says that while he'd be happy if i got pregnant again, he'd prefer to wait another year before even trying.
Here's the thing. I have progressive scoliosis. I had to start intensive chiropractic care when I was 12 and later PT in order to slow it down and manage pain. I know, and my husband knows, that the more time passes, the harder it will be on me to carry and birth children. I want to have children earlier while I know I can. Plus you just never know what the future holds, so I generally have a "why wait?" attitude.
I just feel so lost. I already don't know who I am anymore outside of being a wife and mother. Now a part of me is afraid maybe I don't know my husband as well anymore either. He seems to be ditching the dream we had when we got married.
To be fair to him, we do live in a 1 bed apartment right now, have a small car, and are fairly low income. He has recently started a side business on top of his day job, one that he plans to eventually do full time from home. I also want to get a remote job, and have a whole plan, but he says I have to wait while we save up for our emergency fund and the $600 I would need to start. This kind of makes it feel like he gets to call the shots and do what he wants to do, but my plans and dreams have to be put on hold.
Am I in the wrong here? I don't resent him or anything, I just feel unheard and alone.
