Husband hell..

So I have been with my husband for over 15 years. We got together young. Had baby no1 4.5 years ago and our youngest is 8months old. He was so attentive during my first pregnancy and very hands on at the beginning with baby no1. Time passed and I ended up ‘doing more’ but I was part time etc, so it made sense! With my second pregnancy, he just wasn’t the same, not as caring/considerate. Nothing negative, just not like before. I presumed it was because of our eldest and he was ‘helping out’ with her more and let it go!
He was good when baby was born, but since then, I feel like anything I ask him to do is just a chore. He’s SO negative, sees the bad before it’s happened (often doesn’t even happen). He’s obsessed with his phone - can’t go a few minutes without pulling it out and scrolling (no I don’t think he’s cheating). He’s always ‘stressed about work’. And he’s just been a bit shit with my postpartum recovery/journey. He is always miserable and grumpy and it’s making me the same way….. we’re snappy with each other and I’d just rather not be around him.
I constantly question if he is the right one for me anymore and I keep having this prang of ‘me and the kids don’t deserve to be miserable’. And keep having thoughts that he wasn’t the best choice for a dad.

Has anyone been through similar and recovered from this? Any tips? Do I have PND? Does he have depression? Gahhhhhh!!!!!!

Thanks for reading.

From a very tired, miserable mumma!

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It sounds like he is possibly depressed and maybe you are too. Personally I wouldn’t make a decision to leave your partner in the first 12 months after having a baby as everything is up in the air (unless there is cheating/abuse).
Have you spoken to him about how you feel, and about how you feel he has changed since you had your second child and why that might be? Do you get any time just the two of you? Does he/you get time alone?
I would go out just the two of you, and have a chat, don’t speak at home and definitely wait until you have no distractions/ children around. Don’t accuse him of anything, just ask him how he is, whether anything has changed at work to increase his stress. Maybe if you are now part time and you have an extra child he’s feeling extra financial pressure.
I think a lot of couples go through this, it’s hard having kids.

If he’s always grumpy and miserable- is he aware? Does he take accountability for it? Does he want to get better? Like there is only so much you can do for him before he has to take responsibility of himself and get himself help. Cuz you and your kids should not have to put up with it if he’s not even trying to fix his grumpiness.

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