Baby father's low self esteem

My children's father seems to have horrible self esteem issues/insecurities. For starters, he's always calling himself fat & broke. (Is he the richest or skinniest, no, but definitely not bad) Then, he is always tired, napping, being lazy. I recently talked to him about this and asked why he allows these behaviors in himself, why he allows himself to overeat, oversleep, prioritize laziness over keeping a clean house, not working out despite having time and a gym membership, not saving money despite making a decent salary. I know it's most likely depression as I deal with it too but what I can't understand is his reasoning for staying in this place, I'm clinically diagnosed but refuse to med & I decided about 10 years ago that I wasn't going to live like a depressed person because I deserve better than that. (took awhile and was done out of survival mostly to avoid homelessness) I know its a self driven reason and I can't force him to make it but I don't know why he won't/ atleast hear me out and let me help him.
Also it's becoming a larger issue day by day because at first it started with him dropping a few tasks and being in a bad mood but now he is really being careless with money, he's overeating to a new point(worried for diabetes), he's napping nearly every single day for hours, not taking care of our kids & pets & not cleaning up after himself. He also tries to "bully" me I guess by calling me names whenever he's in a bad mood and I'm stuck between trying to be a helping hand and just leaving. I know how dark and destructive depression is but I literally cannot force him to have self worth, I also cannot keep "babying" (harsh word sorry but idk how else to describe) him because now I'm seriously doing all his parenting tasks, cleaning up after him in ridiculous ways and just being a punching bag for him tbh.
I started by trying to take tasks off his list but like I said he just keeps finding more things that are too much. Then, I tried forcing him into better habits by cooking healthier, no junk in house, begging him to get outside with us, letting him do whatever whenever he can with his friends. But he sneaks food, will nap and literally scream at me if I try to wake him up. What do I do

in our community

Am I overreacting?

Yesterday my husband mentioned Social Service if they come to our house and what they think about it… because we have toys on the carpet our 2 years old playing with and couple of CLEAN diapers. The kitchen counter is a mess since I was packing for the family trip and garage sale coming this weekend. Right before he said it I came to tell him it’s a mess in the kitchen but I’m packing. Literally it’s not really a mess. He was serious and after I continued he later changed to “it was a joke, you didn’t get it, your are too sensitive and I wouldn’t call Social Service on me”. I said you wanted to call on me, to show how bad I’m as a mother. He said I’m crazy and I have a bad influence on kids because I didn’t let it fly. He started gaslighting me and blamed it was my fault even though I wasn’t the one bringing Social Service.

Today he was upset I was still acting not as normal and he said if you act like this you should stay at home and not go on vacation. I said ok and he changed to you are ruining your kids experience.. and asked me to act like normal one realising he won’t be able to take care of two kids by himself.

This is our first big family trip it’s already a lot of work..

Anyways how is your Mother’s Day going?

Would you divorce if…

…something terrible happened to your child(ren) while your husband was supposed to be watching them? Something terrible as in they got badly injured and almost died, or worse?

Wrong right ?

I had childhood trauma and so does my husband to be fair - we both had very angry yelling cold type of parents (his dad and my mum) I always said I will not be that person for my child … we are both educators (but now I’m a stay at home mum) but what really really really got to me …

Today!
My sons tired, extremely moody because we were at a event yesterday till midnight and he’s had really poor sleep, so I understand his emotions (he’s 3 btw) so I’m being calm when managing his tantrums/metldowns etc. one of his heavy cars fell on his foot and out of rage he threw his little hot wheels car and it went the direction of the tv and broke the tv - my husband at the top of his lungs YELLED in my sons face, loads of words frankly not that my sons even understanding I saw he had already gone into a flight or fight panic …. So I intervened and told my husband to stop yelling it’s not going to help or get through to him about what he has done as he’s already shut off with fear … my husband continued to try yell.. I removed my son away from him. I get it the tv is broken we don’t have money for another but in my viewpoint I don’t see how YELLING loudly in a toddlers face is going to help either, not like he’s can fix the tv the most he can do is say sorry and not to throw things because this is the damage it does but again, he’s 3. At this time point, I’m fed up trying to make my husband understand how to speak or teach children yet flaunts that he works with children, his pride and ego and by the seems of it temper is a MASSIVE issue when teaching our son and frankly I’m done…

What are your thoughts because he seems to think I let my son get away with things - when actually I’m very stern with my son but teach him without having to SCREAM in his face

Sorry for the rant I am just extremely
Disappointed

I think Mother’s Day is the end of my marriage

Today my husband did not say happy Mother’s Day even when prompted. No gift he says it’s in the mail. No flowers. I reminded him there was a craft from the library to make a card so he did help the kids make that and that is what the children gave me. I said very gently that I would really like flowers today and he acted annoyed and said he didn’t know where to buy them - even though we were in target yesterday and saw there are literally so many flowers for sale. I have been trying not to cry all day. I have stood by him through depression and cancer. I am the mother of his two children. Our relationship isn’t perfect but on a day like today I can’t ignore how bad it feels to have someone not come close to matching your energy. Maybe it’s a silly holiday but year after year I see him put in less and less effort. To all the moms who were cherished and celebrated you deserve this but if there are other moms like me whose lives look picture perfect on the outside but hollow on the inside I see you and you deserve to be celebrated.

Can you tell if a child doesn’t go to day care/nursery and stays at home instead?

Please comment what you think are traits of a child that doesn’t go to daycare. Good or bad.

I missed my son’s daycare Mother’s Day celebration. Am I a failure?

I am so upset. I missed my son’s party at his daycare and worst of all because I was sleeping I even took the day off to go. I broke my ankle and got surgery on Feb 11th and I was just diagnosed with CPRS. It’s a condition where you’re in pain all day. I’m getting nerve blocks in my spine on the 15th. I have been working 10 hour days at work to get a promotion that my job hired external. I am DRAINED I feel like an absolute failure mostly as a mother. I have been crying all day. My husband made my Mother’s Day weekend so special. We went to the poconos for the weekend, stayed in a hotel, drove around to look at the view of the mountains got tattoos went out to lunch and dinner and we came home early this morning so I can spend time with my babies and my husband is doing this huge cookout for all the moms in our lives. It’s a perfect weekend and I just want to cry.