My husband can’t stand conflict and it’s creating a huge resentment inside me

Hi everyone I need some tips of how to nip this in the bud because I just can’t seem to figure it out.

So as I explain above my husband absolutely hates conflict and confrontation with me and it’s getting to the point where it’s bringing out a bad side of me.
So let’s say we’re in a fight and he’s maybe done something a bit silly and a typical dumb man thing. I’ll use my birthday a few days ago as an example. So he bought me a necklace and a bracelet set. Nice right? Well yeah except he’d actually already bought me this exact jewellery set from the exact same shop just 2 years ago and I wear it all the time 🙄
You can imagine my face went from pure excitement to pure confusion in a matter of seconds. It was an embarrassing moment for him coz he’d clearly just forgot he’d already bought this set and it basically made him look a little foolish. But because our toddler was there we had to put on our best “there’s nothing wrong and everything fine” faces. We’re not into arguing in front of children.

Inside I was gutted that yeah he’d gone out of his way to get me something but I just felt like he’d not thought it through and it felt like he’d not put much effort into getting it right. I always take so such time and care to get him something he truly wants for his birthday and I go to great lengths to make him feel special. I don’t do this stuff in hopes it’ll make me look good or to give my self this ego boost. I do it because I love him and want to make his day. But It sorta felt like he’d thrown a load of money at the situation and thought that’ll do. It didn’t feel personal and it felt careless. I felt really disappointed and like he just didn’t wanna truly take the time to get it right for me. In my eyes what the point of doing anything at all if you’re not going to take the time to do something properly like choosing your wife jewellery. Never mind the expense of wasting money which he knows I can’t stand.

This then leads to me going quiet and sheepish. I get all passive and snappy and start coming out with sarcastic comments to purposely let him know I’m not happy and I want him to know he fu£d up basically.
Him on the other hands is desperately trying to back pedal and will do anything in his power to pretend that it isn’t happening and that everything fine and everyone’s happy and having a great time. Except that’s far from the vibes and in-fact WW3 is about to irrupt. But he just won’t allow me to be cross or upset. He physically can’t take any form of conflict and just pretends everything is fine. He’ll just start talking to me about anything but the situation in hand and changes the subject. He cracks jokes in hopes I’ll snap out of it and it’s just feels false and like we’re all pretending to be happy families. I’m never aloud to express myself and we always go to bed not speaking because he refuses to hash it out. By the next day because it’s not like anybody’s cheated and nobody’s hurt it always gets swept under the carpet. I can’t be bothered to drag it out. I’ve got the kids to sort out, life’s busy and he’s always so relieved that he’s “got away with it” and basically will carry on the facade that everything fine because in his eyes it means he doesn’t have to have these awkward conversations with me. It’s infuriating.
This is just one example. But there are many times where whenever there is a slight chance of an argument this tactic of his is used 90% of the time against me. Inside I’m bubbling because of all the things I’m being forced to just put up with and my feeling aren’t aloud to be validated. I’ve noticed a pattern that every 6 weeks or so I just explode. I end up coming out with the most scathing and hurtful comments to him, I end up feeling like a nasty person. It makes me feel like an awful person by the time I’m done. He always says sorry and again we just have to brush it under the carpet.

I have tried to explain that I think I know why this cycle keeps happening and have tried to point out his part in all this. He always says he sees my p.o.v and that he’ll try stop being so conflict adverse so we can nip things in the bud but nothing ever changes. Personally id rather bicker with him more often but we resolved our issues rather than this always turning into this rage inside me.

I need tips coz he’s just not getting what it’s doing to me.

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