SAHM and Working husband
Hi just wondering what everyone thinks of this situation I have and if it's normal or not. Since my husband and me married 4+ years ago I have worked for a year and then got pregnant 3 times in a row (planned of course) and for 3+ years already at home. We have split our major responsibilities into him making all the earning and me doing majority of the tasks with the kids and household. My husband never really feels like going out with his friends even though he has very good friends, he always says he prefers to be with me after his work day. His hobbies he also kind of puts aside, he is full of interests, hobbies and skills and he always says that he can't do anything because he "can't set his family behind himself and he never has time etc" which in my opinion is not entirely true, I think if he wanted to, he could make time for these things. So basically all he does is work all day then come home and help me with the rest of the stuff that needs doing and because I don't drive yet he is doing lots of the things that require a car, e.g I send him to buy things, pick things up from somewhere, drive me somewhere where it's inconvenient to get to by public transport etc etc. Me on the other hand, I do lots of things like going out to have a brunch here, going out with our kids to the soft play there, every week I meet my friends and we do something nice together and he drives me and picks me up and is with the kids during it and besides that always goes out of his way to make my life more comfortable by putting himself last.
I am currently 30 weeks pregnant and have a UTI so am in pain and am going to the hospital. My husband's business partner is very upset with him that he took off lots of time from work to help me with things so I told my husytgat it's fine, I will take the bus (1 hour ride) to the hospital with the kids and he shouldn't stretch his business too much and he told me that he still asked his partner about if he can leave work early and be with the kids and that his partner was angry with him. In the end, one hour before I had to leave he wrote me a message that he is on the way to the kids and I can go to the hospital by myself so apparently he fought for the agreement to do it.
It's very nice and I feel very loved but obviously he often complains to me that he does everything for the family and me and that he doesn't have a life of his own and that he feels so stretched etc etc but I feel like most of the times it's him doing it actively to himself. So I feel very taken care of on one hand but very guilty often too because of his complaints sometimes. I don't know what I am supposed to think of that that he argued with his business partner and does an upsetting thing to him like leaving early so that I am more comfortable in hospital. And tomorrow he will bring me to my friends and he always says how happy he is that I go but what should we do about him feeling the way he feels sometimes?
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It sounds like you encourage him to do things for himself. But you can’t force someone. Maybe plan something for him?
I really don’t see what the issue is? He hasn’t complained at all. You asked him to do stuff for himself he refused for whatever reason. Is he actively complaining that he does too much if not you are creating problems where there is none?
I think you two should sit down and truly have a conversation about what the both of your needs are.
Personally I feel men need some true type of outlet outside of working all of the time and family time. . If not I feel it does lead to lots of emotions and burn out very quickly. .
It does sound like he steps in and up a lot for you which is lovely but have you maybe thought about learning to drive and or making that something you learn sooner than later that way maybe you’re able to help out in that area more if possible?
Although he says what he says and tells you he’s good, I think conversing about a better balance will be a good thing for the both of you. . Because although you’ve agreed about how things will play out in your relationship, after a while feelings, needs, wants etc etc change.
Don’t create problems where there’s non .
What if he is not in a mental state to handle aaall that ,he is being a good husband and father,he is working hard making money so it’s understandable he doesn’t have a very active social life…you have time for all that social stuff mentally and physically because you don’t have to worry about finances…just take it easy with him ,maybe try to do something out of the house with him ,that way it’s not either just you with the kids or just him with the kids.
If there is a lot to be done at home,he will naturally prioritize that ,trust me you don’t want the opposite
Have you tried talking to him about this? Like a full deep conversation?
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