How would you react after finding out through seeing old messages that when you were only just 2 months postpartum way partum your partner had been sleeping with an older woman that lived next door to his parents.

I feel so dirty despite it being so long ago I don’t actually know what I’m meant to do. I asked him if he told her he loved her because that’s usually a finishing line just before he 💦. I’m devastated as far as I’m aware it was a one time thing so he says and he was in a bit of a bad headspace but from the messages they went on for weeks he was hanging out with her drinking late at night she was married but seperated soon after and his messages to her stopped but he helped her move and would rush to help her. He’s not spoken to her in ages. And he said there’s been nobody else he’s only been with me but I’m so hurt and so angry. And really don’t know what I should do we’ve been so good over these last few months finally as he moved in yes it’s taken a while clearly as our little boy will be 3 towards the end of this year. And we’ve seen him daily just with work commitments he had to stay elsewhere but that’s changed now, do I just let it slide if I can I can’t physically bring myself to look at him just feel like I’ve been lied to for so long.

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

First of all I’m sorry this happened to you. And I know this is going to be the hardest thing in your life to do. But you need to save yourself and leave. If he did this to you once he will do it again. And the fact that you were 2 months postpartum is even more tough. You need to be smart about it and do it slowly. Do not be impulsive and leave right away. Have a plan and do it with time. You’re only here in this world to live once. You deserve to be respected. Know your worth and that you can do it. You deserve to be loved and not lied to.

Repost this as a poll ☺️ it's going to get taken down by admin

If it were me, I would be devastated too. It feels like a natural response to the situation.

The fact you've just found out is not a good sign. Did you stumble on it or did he own up to it? If you were not on a break but together when this happened, despite how long ago it was-he was unfaithful. Personally I would be able to forgive and MIGHT be willing to work through some level of lusting/communication, but full on intercourse? I can forgive but I cannot continue to stay in that situation at my own detriment.

Regardless of how sorry he is, because the trust I expect between us has been shattered and now I have to have faith the one time thing wasn't more than that, I'm out. Not because I want to be, but because he would have chosen that outcome.

Nothing you did could have prevented this. Him being "in a bad place" is NOT justification for stepping out of your relationship to seek that elsewhere. The lack of accountability from him over it just feels wrong. I'm so sorry.

in our community

Is it just us?! Is it just me !?!

My partner is great in many ways but one thing that causes issues with us is the spend on the children. He says they don't need things and because he doesn't think they need them I foot the bill. This is the same for clothes , shoes, birthdays etc. He is naturally more frugal than me and in some ways I get it.

But I'm just annoyed that it's either the kids go without or I pay for it. They are by no means spoilt. We have had very different upbringings.

Does anyone else have a similar issue. Not sure how to navigate it, we need to as it's a recurring argument.

Am I wrong for this?

My husband and I gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time since having daughter. I was pregnant so I feel like the weight I gained is different but anyways I’ve been really trying to watch what I eat and push myself to get up and move as much as possible. My daughter is very energetic so I’m pretty much chasing after her all day, I go on walks sometimes twice a day to the park and around the block before i put her to bed. I also clean our apartment and I do all this with littke to no sleep. My daughter wakes up multiple times a night and I have to help go back to sleep. I’m exhausted and so sleep deprived all the time making it really hard to get up in the morning so I have him do it. I say all this because I’m trying to encourage my husband to be more active, walk with us and eat better cause I’m genuinely worried about his health and his excuse is always “I’m tired” “I got up early with her and did errands I want to rest” I tell him that I’m exhausted too but I’m pushing myself cause I’m tired of being lazy and unhealthy and he just complains how he needs rest. He also is constantly overbearing and buying unhealthy stuff no matter how much I try to get him to stop. He’s just so stubborn and I hate seeing him like this. But on the other hand maybe I am asking too much or being rude about it?? Idk.

Depressed

Just found out my boyfriend won’t get out of jail for our daughter’s birth ( my first child / pregnancy ) I feel so upset and bothered about it. I’m his second baby mama and he got to experience his first child with her ( btw I don’t have any problems with her also they only co parent and don’t even talk) I just can’t help but to feel sad about the fact I’ve been doing this alone . I’m due August 13th and he’s getting out September 05 . Having to deal with not having a baby shower planned yet ( planning it now with my sisters and bestfriend ) also not having money for the phone, being unprepared with everything too as well as having to pay my obygn. It’s literally so hard. I’m so overwhelmed , I love him but I will always remember he missed out .

I'm lost

my boyfriend for the past 3 years has watched porn. I've told him time and time again that I consider it cheating, it feels the same if someone sent him nudes instead he's just searching it. recently he swore on our son he wasn't doing that again, but today I checked his history without him knowing and it goes back to Feburary of him doing this. I'm lost at this point. I don't know what else to do. I'm also a stay at home mom and don't have resources to leave. but I'm done being lied to. and I want to mention, if he wants something I give it to him. even if I'm tired or sick or whatever.

Is this a reasonable take or do you feel judged?

My opinion is that you can do whatever you want as a parent, given your circumstances and your goals. But for me, giving my baby / toddler screentime doesn’t match my personal goals as a parent. I don’t even have my phone on me when I’m with her - it’s never in my hand or my pocket. It’s either sitting on a shelf somewhere out of sight or it’s in my backpack. It definitely affects the way she interacts with me and others, and her ability to focus and not get side tracked.

Toys

What toys are you getting/giving your nearly 1 year olds? Really keen to get something that will encourage development in every area, but not something they can’t really use till 18 month+ because I can hold out till Christmas for that stuff. My son is incredibly active and very confident with it! Non stop moving