Childcare / Grandparents
To make things a bit briefer… my MIL drives me nuts since I became a mum, she’s very invasive, insists on looking after my baby (often wanting without me around), insists on having the baby sleeping over at hers to “give us a break” which I have explained more than 5 times now that I appreciate the gesture but i still think he’s to little to be apart from me for that long (also we’re EBF and I don’t pump which she knows)… anywho the days I’ve been dreading are coming and I need to plan my going back to work, sadly i have a work visa so due to my visa requirements I can only reduce my hours to 1 day a week which means baby will be in nursery for 3 or 4 days a week. My MIL wants to have him a full day plus a morning and I’m dreading it… mostly because I’m worried she’ll do all the things we are choosing not to do like unlimited telly and sweets, take him to places without consulting us… she has 2 more grandsons (7 and 3 years old) and she’s determined to have them together as much as possible… it would be sweet if I knew she’ll protect my son but already she always prioritizes the other 2 boys, the 3yo always takes my baby’s toys or shouts in his face to make him cry so naturally I don’t want this dynamic to happen when I’m not there to be there for my son if he needs me…
I don’t know honestly I find this very hard to navigate through, my partner does have my back and has the same stance I have but he says he feels defeated as he has grown up with this and feels like it’s pointless to try to discuss things with his mum. I think I’d prefer to have my baby as little time as possible with her and have him more in nursery, am I wrong? :(
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You are his mom and would want to protect him. That’s natural, if you have the means for nursery then do that if it would give you the peace of mind you deserve.
You're not wrong. I barely let my mil hold my girl, let alone look after her. She's about as useful as a chocolate teapot and hasn't got a clue how to look after a baby. My daughter is 8 months but instinctively knows my MIL isn't her person. She cries every time MIL tries to hold her. And this is a kid that let a total stranger in a pub hold her and laughs for everyone in Tesco.
Trust your intuition always.
My mother in law is fab but was the same at the beginning, wanted to babysit when my little girl was only a few weeks old.
We are also breast feeding and I pump on the days I briefly work at the minute. (I have my own business and work at the hospital)
I have suffered with postpartum anxiety and struggled with letting my little girl go to anyone other than her Daddy when I am not around.
You need to leave your baby where you know your wishes are going to be respected and that you’re going to feel comfortable leaving them with someone who will tell you honestly how they’ve been whilst you’ve been away.🫶🏻
Youre not wrong. Your partner has your back so do as you please. Send your kid to nursery if thats what you want. I have a similar issue and I'm gonna do as I want by sending him to nursery. Youre the one that spent hours in labour to bring him here so it's all up to you imo!
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