in

Boy moms 💙

Being forced to separate from my first son when he wants me

Hello, I have a 22 month old and have just recently become a second time mom with a second baby boy. Before our second arrived, I was very specific and particular, and explained to my husband that I wanted to protect some one-on-one time with my first son each day, even if it was 10 minutes, or me doing the bedtime, which I like doing.

My son has adjusted really well really quickly to having a little brother, but going through separation anxiety, which I believe is developmentally normal for his age. He just wants me at night, and I want to be there for him when he cries for me.

What I’m struggling with, is my MIL and husband tell me to go away when my son is with them and crying for me. I’m only around the corner and he knows I’m there, and I feel the need to reassure him and help calm him down when he’s super upset and wants me. I’m not trying to take over the task they’re doing with him, I just want to be there to let him know it’s ok but I just keep getting told to go away because they think me being present is unhelpful (which I disagree with).

My son has been super adaptable, especially when he isn’t forced to do something, but I feel like they keep forcing situations and separating me and him and won’t let me be present to help him transition to having me around less.

For some background, my husband travels for work for weeks at a time, and so I was doing everything - bath and bedtime everynight. Even whilst I was in my third trimester, I was doing everything, and I feel confident and capable of doing it still even with a newborn (I wear the newborn in a carrier).

Since my husband is home for the next few months whilst I’m on maternity leave, we thought we’d let him do more bed and bath times, so we transitioned my son by doing them together for a couple (so I was still present) then after 2 or 3 bath times, it was just my husband doing them. This slow and gradual transition worked really well, and he had no issue and didn’t cry for me.

Now my MIL is here helping, and wants to help by doing bath time (even though I’m happy and would rather do it) but rather than this slow transition, her and my husband tell me to go away because I’m “interfering and making it worse” which I disagree with. I know they’re just trying to help because they think I need someone to do bathtime in order to free myself with my newborn, but I keep trying to tell them I DONT need help with this, and if we are to make this change, that I’d prefer it to be done gradually rather than just cutting me off completely from my first son. I find it extremely distressing hearing my son distresssed, and I broke down today because they keep telling me to go away when I want to be there for him. Am I overreacting?

I keep expressing my wish that I want to be present when he’s crying for me, but they clearly have different parenting style to me and I’m not sure what to do