I’m worried my partner’s going to be a shit father
I don’t even like leaving her alone with her father. I love him but he’s so clumsy, over confident, lazy and easily distracted. Even when I go for a shower I worry I’ll come back and she’ll be face down on the bed not breathing while he’s staring at his iPad. He doesn’t bother with her for more than a minute per hour as he’s always asleep, gaming or smoking so I doubt he has the bond with her that I do. He also never changes her nappy, I’m sole feeder, and he never watches me burp her and doesn’t look anything up - the only technique he knows is bicycle legs because I told him that. I just feel like he doesn’t care as much as me so I don’t feel comfortable when she’s left with him. I also don’t believe he always washes his hands and mouth before holding/kissing her after smoking because when I ask he says “yes” too quickly, like when you ask a pre-teen boy if he made his bed, and I’m worried he’s going to pass second or third hand smoke. Whenever I bring up any of this he just thinks I’m nagging him, and I hate the fact he chooses to spend all day smoking weed rather than spending time with her and I feel like it’s going to keep progressing to the point where she’s old enough to register how little effort he makes with her and resent one of us for that. He’s a great partner to me but if he’s not in a perfect mood on whatever day because he’s tired or feels sick or whatever he just shuts himself away and I feel like a single parent.
It’s also not just this, he’s incredibly untidy and unclean when left unchecked, he’s talked about wanting to propose to me for the last 3 years but still hasn’t, somehow I’ve saved thousands over the last few months and he still hasn’t got any savings, he’s incredibly passive.
We’re currently 1 month post partum. Is it normal to go from feeling totally happy and supported pre-birth to feeling this way?
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What a looser
No, I wasn’t feeling this way. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. He sounds like he hasn’t grown up. If I was you, I would not marry him. See if he can change, but otherwise I absolutely would not go through with a marriage. Does he have a job?
Honestly it sounds like you're dating a teenage boy... tell him exactly what you need to see from him for your relationship to continue or he can leave. Changing nappies should be bare minimum. He needs to stop smoking weed and cut down on gaming to help out. You're not his mother too. And if he complains you're nagging him tell him that's a sign he's acting like a child because if he were acting like a grown up you wouldn't have anything to complain about.
…. Was he always like this?
Because he sounds like yet another “I want a wife and child, but I don’t want to be a father and husband”
“He’s a great partner to me” yet you previously have just described how he’s shit and obviously has no priorities for your child or YOUR happiness as a mother and family.
I wouldn’t be marrying this man honestly. He can’t even be a proper father and hasn’t wanted to apply himself to your future in 3 years so. 🤷🏼♀️
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