Mum problems?!
Has anyone struggled with their own mum since having a baby? My mother and I have always been extremely close and still are but I’m really struggling with our relationship since I’ve had my daughter.
My mother is extremely opinionated and is constantly telling me she would do this and wouldn’t do that. From an outsider perspective you probably think that’s great and a lot of the time it is but a lot of the time it’s unwanted and quite offensive advice. It feels like I’m not being trusted to look after and raise my own baby and when I ask her to stop she always gets extremely rude and gives me the cold shoulder and makes sarcastic comments when I next ask for advice. I appreciate she’s only trying to do what’s best for the baby but that’s what she thinks is best. She makes me so anxious about a lot of things, for example when I’ve mentioned putting my daughter in nursery as I’m struggling with juggling everything and she makes comments like ‘oh I wouldn’t… you see these stories’ or when I’ve mentioned going out with friends for an hour and she’s made comments like ‘your daughter needs you, you shouldn’t be going out’ to then be told ‘you should go out you need a break’ but when I do I get texts being told to come back.
My mother also helps out my with my daughter a couple of times a week whilst I’m out at work, which again, I’m very appreciative for but it’s never smooth sailing. I’ll get text messages saying ‘she needs you’, ‘you need to come back’. I always come running but I’m made to feel bad for leaving which is just so much for already an anxious mum that suffers terribly with guilt. It just feels like my mother is always the victim and I’m always so unreasonable? She’ll give my daughter sugary snacks and if I’m not happy about it she’ll make comments like ‘well maybe find someone else to help you next time’ or ‘right, I raised you ok’.
My friend said to be a couple of weeks ago, it feels like you have family but not community and that really hit home. My mum is happy to help when my daughter is giggly and jolly but as soon as she’s tired or cranky it feels like the help disappears. Or I’ll be told ‘of course it’s ok’ and then I’m met with an attitude and comments like ‘well I guess my plans are going out the window then’. I’m always happy to make alternative arrangements but it feels like I’m constantly getting conflicting messages. I fully respect that this is my daughter and she’s my responsibility, however, I do feel like I’m being made to feel like I should be grateful because it’s better than nothing.
Is it better than nothing, 100%
Am I extremely grateful, 100%
Am I made to feel bad constantly, 100%
Am I being faced with someone who’s blowing hot and cold every day,100%
Am I the problem? Maybe?
I do sometimes feel as though my mum thinks my daughter is her baby and she does constantly tell me that baby wants Nan and has a special place for her. Again, sounds very innocent and normal until you realise these comments always come after a discussion where I’ve felt anxious about my bond with my daughter. My mother will say stuff like ‘she’s so happy with me’ and ‘well she might be grumpy with you but she’s not grumpy with me’.
I guess I’m just asking advice if anyone else has experienced anything like this and if I am in fact the problem? I try and be conscious constantly of others opinions and feelings but I feel like I’m getting nowhere. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with my mother but I also want to be able to parent my baby the way I want to parent without judgement and comments that make me uncomfortable and anxious.
Also I’m working full time and am a single parent.
Thank you
Exit strategy for 3 way feeding
Ideally I’d like to exclusively breastfeed but I’ve got stuck in this horrible 3 way feeding pattern as we were told to top up with formula to get Freddy’s weight up, then also for me to express to get my milk up. (He’s 4 weeks old.)
This was all following initial feeding issues due to a tongue tie. However, that’s now sorted, breastfeeding far is more comfortable & F’s weight is where it should be. However, I’ve no idea what the exit strategy is for not doing all 3 - the midwife says I should still express to produce more as he’s sometimes still hungry after a feed, so we top him up with formula… A bit of a vicious cycle!
