How are you splitting childcare with partner?

There's probably a million posts like this on here! My partner has gone back to work (work from home) but its a very meeting heavy job so essentially he may as well be out the house.

How are you splitting the childcare? I'm exclusively pumping so that means he does the feeds from 10pm till 3am then I am doing onwards until he finishes work at 5.

But it's then splitting the time after work and dividing the time on the weekends that I'm not sure how to balance!

I get frustrated sometimes because she sleeps during his evening "shift" and he counts that as having her but my perspective is if she is just sleeping then it's not really having to do anything much so it shouldn't really count in terms of how much of a break we both get!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

I get up in the nights doing feeds. My partner does more of the nappy changes. I get a break at 7am to 8-9am. Then I look after the baby during the day and in the evening when my husband gets back he takes over typically 7pm -12. We will take turns in taking the baby and one of us cooks. I do breast feed and pumped milk. In terms of house work I do the majority but my partner does all the hoovering and food shop. He did do more housework and time with baby, but we are worried about redundancy and AI so he is working on the weekend too. To meet work deadlines. I think the work is unequal in terms of childcare, but I'm not sure what else to do. I'm on mat leave and could go back to work doing bank shifts, but I earn less money in the nhs than his job.

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

Weaning at 4 months. Water?

I’m giving my baby small baby spoons of baby rice and single vegetable purees at 4 months.
Should I be offering him small sips of water? Advice online is very varied.

Avatar

1

43

Struggling to remain calm

I find myself losing the plot so quickly atm. I have a 2 year old who is testing the boundaries and I am fully failing at remaining calm. I’m shouting all the time. I am exhausted. I work full time while studying for a doctorate programme. My husband and I work opposite shifts to help keep childcare costs down. We live an hour from any family. We don’t have siblings and very limited other family. My mum is the only one who helps but I can’t ask her to visit all the time.

I just need to help myself regulate and I can regulate her but I didn’t expect me to be like this. I’m normally such a calm person. But the pressures are huge atm

I can’t drop to part time work as it’s part of the course and the course is 3 years. There’s no time to catch my breath.

Any help on how to stop myself from getting annoyed all the time??

I’m so sad I’m so useless 💔 x

I feel like I’m really grieving my old life atm too and I miss just not having responsibilities atm 😭 I feel awful saying it. Am I broken?

Avatar

4

Fake love

I noticed that my husbands family often leaves him out of things…they never come out to visit, my husbands the one who always makes the drive to visit them (they live 4-5 hrs away), he reaches out to call them often. I’m noticing all these things and it’s making me dislike them. Most recently, on fb (this may sound childish, but just something I noticed) his older sister, posts all of the siblings and their family for their birthdays, milestones etc.. but leaves my husband out 🤔). I’m biting my tongue letting my husband know how I feel about it all, but I don’t want to cause any issues.

Avatar

5

Boy moms do you feel this way?

I have only boys. The early years it was mainly me that did everything as they need mama a lot through the newborn toddler stage etc. it’s still mainly me but the past year I have noticed a big change now they are growing older and more mature and more male influenced.

Their dad is a lot more physically involved now as they’re getting older boys and doing a lot of boy stuff together. I spend 99% of my time being more like a ‘boy’ myself as I’m always doing boy stuff with the kids and generally as a family, from what shows/movies we watch, to days out, activities and sports it’s all boy related.

I already feel lonely as I don’t have friends etc and my kids are my world. When they’re having boy time with their dad only and I’m not involved I feel really lonely and upset and I’m feeling sad that this will only become worse. For example, they’re currently watching a tv show (boy stuff) and I always sit and watch with them (that way I’m still involved and bonding) but my husband asked me for some space so they can have boy time…

It’s hit me hard now I’m feeling sad, I don’t have ‘girl time’ because I don’t have daughters, I don’t have friends and my mom/sisters I see only here and there.

Do you boy moms feel this way? Did you notice a shift?

Avatar

7

Is being good financially thx to my husband makes me wrong to complain ?

I have an almost 1y and a just 2y.
My husband works a lot he’s gone from 9:30am to 10pm. Just 2weeks ago, he was wfh. And now it just feel so much easier with him gone bc it’s a mouth less to feed so less cooking less cleaning, less drama with my 1st shouting at the door of the room for his dad to come. Also less stress about the noise.
So I realized, I’m just alone, he isn’t helping. More than that every morning before he leaves we spent a bit of time, and I feel like I fight everyday to make him respect our routine. I have to ask several times everything and I end up doing it all alone.
Our 2nd is difficult, she shout a lot for nothing, she’s a sensible baby I would say. It’s hard it’s overwhelming and my husband keeps saying I’m super wrong to not let her cry and make her learn. Well sometimes I do but it’s my last last option. She’s a baby who can only express herself with crying so yes I’m a « slave to her » but I’m just a mom doing the best I can
We argued, and I told my husband that I’m fed up with the critized of my parenting while I’m doing alone and I fucking feel so alone. I have no help zero. My husband doesn’t understand that doing a few dishes here a there isn’t helping.
Then he told me how bless I am and I should be as we live with the sea & swimming pool in front of our house, no financial worry and a cleaner coming 3x a week.
I do feel very very blessed but I just want to have a supporting partner who tells me how hard I try to do the best for my kids, and to listen to me. He took it as a personal attack that I told him he was not helping while he works a lot to give us this life. I just feel so alone and misunderstood but I hurted him

Avatar

4

snack box ideas

my baby is 9 months old now but a brilliant eater!! his appetite is ENORMOUS so I bought a little snack box to take out and about with us but I'm at a loss as to what to put in it other than berries lol. what's everyone snacking on that's easily portable and not like really crazy messy??

Avatar

13

Read more on Peanut