Please help me understand..

I’ve been married for 8 years and feel lonely and unloved. My husband is still in love with his ex that died in a tragic way. He had seen it happen and has been really messed up mentally. He tells me how he wishes I would be more like her. How he misses her so much. Why can’t I try to look more like her, to trick his brain to think she is still here. It’s like I’m not the one for him and she way. Like I will never live up to the expectation of her. I want to feel like I’m enough but he says I haven’t made him feel like she did. That I’ve been mean to him and I’ve hurt him. He says that he wants another girl around to fill the void, sexually and not sexually. Wants to have a threesome (even suggested a girlfriend at one point) no matter how many times I’ve made it so known I’m uncomfortable with it and don’t want to do that. But I’m told I’m given everything I want and I should be able to give him this one thing. everyone tells me I need to leave. That if he is going to act like that then he’s not for me. That he has to much healing and trauma to get through before he continues in a marriage. But I am in love with him. I’ve been in love with him since I was 7 years old.. I married him. I had children with him. He is it for me. I just feel so lost. I don’t know grief. I’ve never lost someone I loved. I don’t know how to help him get past this or at the very least, love me like her or maybe if I’m lucky more than her.

in our community

Relapse

A month ago I found a baggy in my husband’s laundry. I confronted him on it and we had a long genuine conversation. He admitted he relapsed. Told me he won’t do it again (silly me to believe it) and that was basically that. Today.. God.. yes God told me to go into the bathroom and search under the vanity. There is a lip where the sink goes and meets with the bottom half of the vanity. It’s a perfect gap on both sides to hide things. And I found a ton of paraphernalia. So this is how I want to handle this, I want to pick him up and drop him off at meetings (I found one already), I want him on my phone plan with a new number, and I want life 360. If he can not do these three things he needs to leave my home. When I think about what I need for once these are the three things I need to rebuild trust and move forward. Is it going to prevent him from using? Probably not.. but it will make me feel better. I was very understanding and nice the first time, but I will not tolerate this any longer. We have a newborn. This is inexcusable and I will not have him in my child’s life like this. So he needs to make the decision. If he chooses to leave over these three simple requests then I know he’s not ready to be sober. I asked my mother in law (yes we are close and I told her) if this was too much and she said absolutely not.. if anything it’s not enough. What do you think?

Hitting and hurting

Posting incognito because I’m embarrassed

I’m really struggling at the moment and I feel like I can’t do this.

My son 18 months is hurting me non stop. All he does is hit me kick me pull my hair or hit me with objects. I’m unwell at the moment so I don’t have the energy to do all our normal activities. My son has all his toys in reach but he just uses them all to hurt me or he will just jump all over me and hit me.

I’ve tried all the gentle parenting ‘gentle hands’ ‘I won’t let you hurt mummy’ I’ve showed him gentle hands. But nothing is working

My partner also does things like throw teddies at me infront of my son. Hit me In a joking way or trip me up ect. I keep asking him to stop but he doesn’t

What do I do ☹️

Where do I go from here..

So in a nutshell my husband and I got married just under 6months of knowing one another. I’ve been celibate before knowing him and few months into the marriage he has brought up that I wasn’t as intimate as a wife would be and fast forward a year I found out he has a hidden Instagram which he had followed over 200 or more of half naked women and women of a certain demographic so to say but hasn’t messaged any of them. He had this account hidden away from me for almost a year to which I found out by going through his phone at one point. We’ve spoken about it and his explanation was ‘because I wasn’t giving him the sexual intimacy part’ so just went else where to ‘seek’ it. Now we have a three month boy and it’s put me off completely sleeping with him because what hurt was he started this Instagram while I was pregnant. Now I just don’t see him the same anymore, it feels more of so a marriage of convenience and now I don’t know so I stay and try make it work or walk away. Where do I go from here..

Husbands confidence

My husband is still not confident having the baby on his own without me in the house 🙄 baby is 6 months. I have another older child who i need to be there for too and this is making it so hard. He is too scared to bath her and do basic care other than rock her to sleep. I have taught him as much as I can and we did a baby first aid course together. I think it's time to bite the bullet and just go out, let him sink or swim but I feel so bad for my baby. Any ideas? This is his first child, my other child has a different father.

Screen time

I have a 2 year old & a 9 week old. Our tv is on all day and my toddler falls asleep to a projector playing films on a night (nothing else works.) Through the day we have on cartoon songs on youtube but my daughter doesnt sit and watch it its more background noise and she'll occasionally stop and watch for a dance.

Does anyone else have a lot of screen time? No judgement please.

How do we all juggle chores/getting things done?

Hi ladies! Wanting to get everyone’s rundown on how they manage chores, house projects, etc. while full-time and with pets.

Needing ideas on how to get a good flow going 😅 right now I just feel like I go all day until like 2 hours before bed. That’s when I get to wind down lol husband and I swap the baby around while the other does x,y,z. 🤭💕 any advice is appreciated!