How are we disciplining out of control 3 almost 4 year olds?!

Thankfully with my daughter i just gotta give her a look and shell stop. I did yell at her very strongly when she was early 3 and made mistakes. That now she knows when shes about to do something bad and she usually wont do it. I practice calming down with her, deep breaths & i constantly tell her that yelling or tantrumming gets her nowhere with me

Hi if my child 2.5year old runs off in the shops I don’t say anything just walk over pick her up get in the car say nothing at all then once I’m back at home I put her in her room and say ‘ when you can be a good girl and not run off I will take you to nice places’ then I walk away .

After 1 minute I go back and calmly explain that running off means she can’t walk anymore and now she has to be in the pram or in the seat in the trolly.

For the next few days when she asks to walk I just say you can’t walk because you ran off which means you don’t want to walk so now your online the trolly or pram.
After a few days I say are you going to listen to me and walk like a big girl.

That is how we do it, so far it works as she wants to be big and not a
Baby.

"Popping" a child is abuse and of course he tried to pop you with it cos you are teaching him that's how you get what you want.

This age is extremely difficult cos they go through the limbic leap which means they are learning a lot of new emotions and don't know how to handle them.

You say you want to get to the stage where one look works but that usually happens cos a child is scared of you.

Give them a task to do when food shopping. Ask them to find something for you, cross off the shopping list. Something they can be in charge of.

At this age they want to be independent so find something that's there's.

Any punishment given separate to the event that doesn't link to it doesn't achieve anything cos they don't link them together. They don't see it as I did x so y happened.

Set boundaries and stick to them.
Natural consequences so throwing his shoes for example. I'd have picked them up, put them in my bag and carried on. When his feet got cold or he stepped on something thats a consequence.

We had some really shit times when my son was this age, we found that a reward jar worked really well. At first it was for anything, something small, then they got harder to earn.
You really need to emphasize the good behaviour, or you just find that you're just constantly telling them to stop, do this, not that. And of course if that's the only attention they're getting they're going to keep going.