in

SEX ~ DRAMA ~ MARRIAGE & MORE

Verbally abusive fiance- I lost control.

I can’t believe I am writing this.
I have a fiance (together 14.5yrs, engaged 3yrs) and a 25 month old son who is my entire world.
Yesterday was Father’s Day, and despite the hard feelings that come with that day for me (my father died 3 years ago in my arms) I made the day as special as I could for my fiance. I had some somber moments, we went to his grave in the evening but for the most part I was upbeat. I gave my fiance his gift and card, I had our toddler for the morning so my fiance could see his dad, have some time to himself and enjoy a bit of peace and rest.
After a big family get together in the afternoon, we went home, got our son ready for bed and that was when everything changed.
My son had boogers coming out his nose, big ones, and they were scaring him because they were going in his mouth. My fiancé got grossed out and was being silly about wiping boogers. So I took the tissue out his hand and said this is how you do it.
My fiancé LASHED OUT at me while I was holding our son. He was in my face, pointing at my face and very scarily growled through his teeth saying ‘don’t ever treat me like that’, it escalated and he became louder and much scarier and intimidating. I tried to remain calm but I had enough, I told him to get the f*ck out and stop doing that in front of our son because it was really scaring him.
He left the room. I had twenty seconds to decide what to do. I set my son down with his toys in his room, I closed the door a little and followed my fiance into our bedroom. I didn’t want my son to think that behaviour was ok and I needed to stick up for myself.
I gave back to him what he did to me. Along the lines of don’t you ever do that in front of our son again, he needs to control himself and he’s a piece of sh*t for doing it. He got in my face again to intimidate me, he was pushing me with his body and I was terrified, felt like he wasn’t far off hurting me, so I slapped his face. As soon as I did that he shoved me onto the wall and was in my face again. I’ve never been so scared.
Bear in mind, we have been trying for a baby and are in the two week wait period. There’s a possibility I could be pregnant.
I called my mum, told her I was scared. She said not much I can do but both calm down. He then told me I was dead to him.
I took my son off his dad, sat back in his rocking chair and got him to sleep.
That’s when I saw my fiance on the ring doorbell with his bags and a pillow, leaving. No word on where he’s going.
He eventually came back 11pm. I apologised profusely for slapping and I still am truly sorry, I lost control for a millisecond and acted out of self defence. But he could not take any accountability for his part. He’s talking about leaving me. He won’t talk.
I’m torn because our relationship revolves around him. I tend to be the one taking accountability, even for things I didn’t really do a lot of the time. He thinks very very highly of himself and never admits wrong doings. When he came home he was speaking like a psychopath, like the talented Mr Ripley and it was as if he were acting in a soap opera, was so strange. I didn’t recognise that man.
He’s a master manipulator and gaslighter. He said I was remembering wrong.
I want to be a family unit, if my fiance takes some accountability for his part. But at the same time I worry about what else will happen to me and my son.