Why does divorce come to my mind..

I'm sorry that you're going through this nothing can be said to make it easier to be honest because I dealt with something similar all I can say is if you are staying for the benefit of your children only you need to leave the only way we can benefit our children is by making sure we are happy and healthy

I personally am still working on how to in a way put myself first because I put my son first and I feel the exact things that you feel is well the confusion in a sense of a thought of regret but not regret and then being upset with yourself for thinking that that is the only way you know that you are a good mother because you already feel like what you're doing isn't enough and that's how you know you are doing what you need to do as a mother now if it is hurting you more to stay and it does more harm than good then that's something you need to think about and evaluate and truly weigh out your options but if this is just a temporary storm then that's different but if you genuinely feel like after the year and a half and it's just been getting worse and worse that might be everything you need to know it sucks that we feel like we're breaking up our children's family but at the same time

I've talked to many people who were children of the parent who stayed and they wish that their parents had left I am a child whose parent left and honestly I'm glad that they didn't stay so this isn't easy at all in any way whatsoever but you know yourself best and I hate to say this but from experience I was able to control my mental during the pregnancy but after the pregnancy I was still dealing with something similar to what you're dealing with and quite honestly it just completely absorbed me in the worst ways possible and I'm working on pulling myself out and my son is 2 years old and this is like unacceptable to me but the mental part of it is only going to get worse unless you are able to find your common ground I would say try communicating with him I would imagine you have tried but you know try talking to him tell him you're exhausted your mentally like losing your mind and you need him to put himself in your shoes because our hormones are completely out of whack and they will be for 2 (I think 4)

Years after the baby is born so having a partnership and a village is very important (coming from someone who has neither in just feels like I am completely submerged and being pressurized by water 🙃) I genuinely wish you the best of luck for you and your baby and no matter what just pray to God and trust that God's got you and if anything talk to God ask God for clarity as God for reassurance and ask God for his guidance if that's what you believe in I believe it may help a lot 🥰🤍