Difficult MIL situation

My MIL is quite selfish and high maintenance. I’m exhausted by her visits because she needs constant attention and feeding and entertaining… it feels like there is no downtime or space to be ourselves.
I have never got past small talk with her and she makes inappropriate comments about my body. Shes really rude and unkind to my partner, pretending it’s ‘banter’. She doesn’t help out in any way but requires a LOT from us. We have a toddler and a newborn now. She sent a card when baby was born but that’s all…she hasn’t messaged me to say congrats or how am I at all. Phone calls to my partner are the same 5 min convo about nothing they have every week. She has no idea how he is doing and has never been supportive or put him first.

She said she would visit to ‘give us a break’ which I’m dreading because it absolutely won’t be a break… I can’t face looking after her while we are already at breaking point. However, shes just gone and booked flights for an 8 day visit without asking us first. Even 24 hours feels like too much! My partner has negotiated it down to 3 days and I’m meant to be grateful for this. I’m not though, I’m absolutely raging that I will have to give up my bed whilst nursing a newborn for this woman who couldnt even ask how I was after I had our baby. And look after her too.
How much of this is postnatal exhaustion/ hormones etc speaking or am I justified in being really flipping angry? Also any tips for surviving the visit? I’ve got the feeling I won’t be able to hold my tongue this time if she is rude in any way

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This could very easily turn into resentment towards your partner and break your family up… trust me, I’ve been there! Your situation sounds 10x worse than mine too, so sorry you’re having to deal with that. Postpartum is hard enough without any of this. Also, the comments about your body? She has no right to say anything about your body, joke or not! I hope your partner puts her in her place!

Your feelings are valid and very much justified. I don’t think you’re angry enough 😭

It sounds like MIL needs to hear the word no more. You and your partner need to be a team and consistent with your approach with her. It sounds like your partner is trying to keep the peace with her by entertaining her. You need to tell your partner how you feel and hope he has your back. If not do you have anyone you can stay with during her visit so you don't have to deal with her?

This sounds so stressful and also rude to book without checking! Since she’s coming ‘to help’ can you prep a list of things for her to do each day to help and your partner give it to her?

Ask what hotel she’s staying at. That would imply that your house isn’t an option. If that doesn’t work, tell your partner that she gets one day. And if she makes extra work for you then he needs to drive her to a hotel. Period end of sentence.

Don’t back down! Stand your ground and you tell her what’s what.
I had a nightmare mother in law n well long story short I massively fell out with her ripped her a new one and haven’t spoken to her since (this was 6 months postpartum 3 years ago.. I don’t even know if she knows we’ve had twins and I couldn’t care less we’re both glad she’s out of our life’s)

I’m definitely getting closer to speaking the truth 💪🏽
Yours sounds stressful alright, but it sounds positive that you are in a better place with the distance now! ❤️

in our community

Birthday….

Would you be annoyed or am I being dramatic…

It’s my birthday today , 33!

Woke up this morning, no cards, presents or anything off my husband.

Kids come down stairs and go ‘ where’s the presents off dad ‘ I said ‘ I don’t know you’ll have to ask dad ‘

Anyways, nothings said, make lunches as usual and sort the kids

Gets to 8.15 am and he leaves for work and then goes ‘ oh btw happy birthday your cards should come today but you didn’t tell me what you wanted so I didn’t get you anything ‘

He’s then messaged with a screen shot with a load of computer stuff getting delivered today for his ‘ man cave’ and asking if I’ll be in.

Bare in mind this man had £30 left last night, asked him how he’s got the stuff for his PC ( I was meant to be buying most of it for his 30th next month) and he said he’s using his mates klarna and clearpay.

I’m not mad, just feel disappoint at zero effort has been made 😔

Seriously struggling

Currently crying in my car with my toddler in the back. He's not stopped crying, whinging, whining and tantrumming all morning. I am just overwhelmed...ive offered as many snacks as I can think of...set up activities so I can make breakfast but that wasn't good enough either. My ears are ringing and I just cant take anymore. Im a terrible mother. He's almost 2 and is in a phase where hes Just miserable about everything and we cant even go to playdates or groups anymore because he jusy cries and clings to me. Im trapped and alone.
Is this normal? I don't think it is

Would this offend you?

When I was days away from giving birth, my husband told me- I can’t remember how the topic came up- that his parents had once offered to adopt our baby if I didn’t want her.

I remember scoffing in disbelief and being offended, but dismissed it at the time as something very ill judged (this is when my relationship with them was fine).

For context, they are exceptionally overprotective of their son- who did not want our baby at all.

But now, a year on, having experienced a thousand moments of their entitlement of our baby it has been bothering me more and more. My husband gets angry at me every time I bring it up, claiming they were just being kind but it really offended me.

We live with them and they’ve intruded into every single thing they can. Broken every boundary and my FIL completely ignores my maternal autonomy in every way. And has become increasingly antagonistic as I try and get him to back off and respect my rules with my baby. He has gotten to the point where he snatches things out of my hands to give her instead- and lying to everybody else about having done that. All I get are comments about ‘how much he loves her’, ‘how wonderful it is that he gets to experience this’ after working abroad when his son was a baby. How he always wanted a girl. It makes me furious.

So it just keeps creeping back in. The adoption offer. When they knew I very very much wanted my baby, that I was very prepared for her and a capable person.

Would any of you be bothered by that? Or should I listen to my husband that it was a just in case, nice offer?

Nursery/ Child care

When did you start sending your baby to nursery?

Dad walking into my home after knocking and no answer, would you be ok with that?

Would you be annoyed if your parents just let themselves into your house?

My dad has done this twice this week once a few days ago when me and my boy was in the bath (luckily the bathroom door was closed) and again today when we was in the bedroom and I was feeding my boy.

He knocked but obviously no answer but he knew I would be in, I do tend to forget to lock my door but still doesn’t give the right to let himself in. He never gives me the heads up he’s popping over either.

We are close but I just still find it rude. I would never do that but maybe that’s just me..

But would you be annoyed or wouldn’t you be bothered?

Feeding every 2 hours

My 5 month old is still wanting to eat every 2 hours. Is this normal? We got the go ahead to start oatmeal and purees at his 4 month appointment and we have been, but I need him to start going longer between feeds. My oldest wasn't like this.