MIL went off on me for trying to set a boundary
I'm looking for some honest perspectives because I'm feeling really upset.
My husband has recently come home after being away for a while, so my daughter (1) and I are currently staying at his mum's house because that's where he has to live for now.
Yesterday, my husband's cousin took my daughter down the road for a walk. She let me know first, but I couldn't actually see where they'd gone and it makes me uncomfortable not knowing where my daughter is. I knew she was down the road but normally I can see them but today I couldnt so it make me feel uneasy. I spoke to my husband about it and said I'd just like people to let me know where they're taking her as it makes me a little on edge, not that i dont trust them, just if something happened then I dont even know where my child is. He understood and said if something makes me uncomfortable, I should say.
Later that day, I was washing chicken while my husband cooked. His mum took my daughter out of the kitchen. When I finished, I wanted to change her nappy but couldn't find her anywhere in the house. I looked upstairs, asked people where she was, so husband said to look outside. She was outside with his mum.
I went outside and said:
"Oh there you guys are, I just wanted to change her nappy n couldnt find you guys, in future, if you take her outside or down the road could you let me know?
I genuinely wasn't accusing her of taking my child or doing anything wrong. I just wanted to know where my one-year-old was, especially after speaking with my husband earlier as well.
She then went off on me, saying im implying shes stealing my child and I dont get to do this... I tried to explain that wasnt my intention, I just couldnt find them and wanted to know where my child is, she then went back into the kitchen where the whole family was and started shouting that I was implying she was stealing my daughter and that I dodn't get to say that to her. I felt completely embarrassed. She took our conversation from private out the front of the house to inside the house infront of everyone trying to make me look bad, embarass me and it felt like she was trying to cause an issue between my husband and me (it was like she went to the kitchen expevting him to back her but he didnt). I didnt argue, I repeated that wasnt my intention at all and if I want to know where my daughter is then as her mum, I should know where she is.
My husband told her that's clearly not what I meant, but she wasnt having it. She kept saying that I dont get to do that and that what do I think she was trying to do, steal my child... she literally embarrassed me infront of his whole family.
I didnt say anything and went upstairs and cried because Im my childs mum, if I say I want to know where my child is then full stop im her mum I should be told. Anyone else would have told me yeah of course no problem but she literally went off on me. I could still hear her shouting about it for 10 minutes after.
I can understand maybe she thinks I dont trust her or soemthing but Ive left my daughter with her loads of times to do driving lessons, go to the gym, dentist appointments ect... so I clearly trust her with my child. I just don't like not knowing where she is when Im there and shes my child, so if I want to be told where she is then I should be told.
I'm just wondering... am I in the wrong? As a mum, I feel like if someone takes my child outside, I should be able to ask them to let me know where they are. I asked as friendly as I could, it was in private so if she had any issues she could have discussed them with me then and there.
I'd really appreciate honest opinions, even if you think I could have handled it differently. ❤️
I want to ask, does this make me a bad person?
My husband is unwell. Has extreme anxiety and depression so I am trying to deal with him ( he also stopped living with us, but it’s still draining as we speak and he tells me how unwell he is everyday). At the same time, I am practically a single parent to my two under 5’s.- so my own wellbeing it’s at its lowest too.
I take on all the responsibility for them, plus working, part time.
My husband’s brother and wife just had a baby. But I haven’t really been present in their life/or much supportive. I try to message her now and then, but have only seen them a handful times at in-laws. Sometimes she doesn’t reply for days, and I message again to see if she is doing ok. But she doesn’t ever message first.
As they know what’s happening in our lives, does it seem like we are unsupportive?
Because I heard this be mentioned and I feel bad, as if everything was normal I would be very supportive. But I am just about managing/coping.
