Who am i?
Hey ladies, I'm currently 2 months pp. Ive completely lost myself. I use to be a catering manager who was always on the go. I took pride in my looks, I had an hour glass figure with long think blonde hair. I would always have my make up and hair on point and took pride in my job. Once I got pregnant I was always tired and working 50 hours a week some times running on 3 hours of sleep, I just stopped caring. I didn't do my make up, I stopped doing my hair. Now im 2 months pp and a stay at home mom. I gave up my job to raise my daughter. Don't get me wrong, I chose to stay home and im so thankful I spend every precious minute with her. I was looking through old photos and i miss her. I know ill never get that girl back and i think thats the only thing thats really been hard about this. I dont know who I am anymore. I use to be care free to look in the mirror and think "shes the shit" now, im just a 27 pounds heavier girl who hasn't shaved her legs in a hot minute and went a whole week with out brushing her hair. How do we find our self again or how do we learn to love this version of ourselves.
Am I the asshole?
**Am I the asshole?**
I am just so angry and frustrated right now, and I genuinely don't know if I'm being unreasonable.
My husband promised me the world while he was away for work. He kept saying things like, *"Take all the time you need. I owe you so much."* But since he's been home, nothing has really changed. The only thing I've managed to do for myself was get a haircut that I'd already booked before he left. He says all the right things, but when it comes to actually making my needs a priority, it rarely happens.
At the start of this year, I finally started an exercise class—something I'd wanted to do for ages. I even take our child with me, so it's not really "me time," but it's something that helps me. He told me he was proud of me for making a positive change and that he'd support me however I needed. Now our child's appointments have been scheduled on the same morning as my class and, without any discussion, it's just assumed I'll take our child because it's my day off.
I've also asked him so many times that the next time our child is sick, could he please take the time off because I've completely run out of personal leave. Every time he agrees. Then our child gets sick and suddenly it's, "I'm really busy at work," or, "I've got important deadlines." So I end up taking the leave anyway.
I think this is hitting me even harder because we just got back from a family trip. I was already feeling overwhelmed and told him I needed help. Instead, he disappeared for half a day to catch up with a friend without telling me when he'd be back, leaving me to manage everything. When I got upset, he said my family should have helped more instead.
I'm exhausted from being the one who coordinates all of our child's therapies, specialist appointments, paperwork, emails and scheduling. It's just assumed I'll organise it all. If something gets missed, it's somehow a huge issue. He says he'll help more, but unless I remind him repeatedly, it doesn't happen. Then I end up feeling like the nag.
Because I only work part-time, I constantly question whether I'm allowed to expect more from him, even though managing our child's additional needs feels like another full-time job.
Today's a perfect example. He suggested making gingerbread with our child after nap time. Sounds lovely—but who had to think ahead, make the dough earlier in the day and put it in the fridge to rest? Me. It feels like he sees the fun activity while I carry all the invisible planning that makes it possible.
Then after our child went to sleep, I said I had a headache and needed to lie down. Ten minutes later he came in and asked what he should meal prep.
We'd already planned the meals and done the grocery shopping together. I just couldn't understand why I still had to use my brain to make another decision after I'd literally said I was burnt out.
I lost it.
His response was that he asks because I've made him feel insecure—that if he doesn't check with me first, he'll do it wrong and I'll be unhappy.
And that's the part that's making me question myself.
Have I contributed to this? Am I too controlling? Have I corrected him so often over the years that he's lost confidence to just make decisions himself? Or is this an example of me carrying the mental load because it's easier if I just keep doing it?
I don't expect perfection. I don't need everything done exactly my way. I just want a partner who notices what needs doing, thinks beyond the obvious, follows through on what they say they'll do, and shares the mental load without me having to project manage every task.
Am I expecting too much, or am I just completely burnt out?
Sister in law (sorry wasn't trying to make this long)
So my husbands sister in law rubs me the wrong way and I get really irritated by her. Let me explain. From the very beginning I have had an issue with how touchy she is with my toddler. When we first met she kissed my toddler all over his cheek and I'm just not a fan of people being like that with my son especially since we just met. Forward two years later, so now. Recently we were having a small family gathering and she stuck her finger in my son's nose to grab a booger out. He's 3 and a half and immediately ran to me and started crying. Am I wrong for feeling so irritated by this stuff? . I honeslty want to know other peoples opinion. Her and I have very different personalities, she's very forward and more of an extrovert, loud, is not afraid to say what she thinks. Im more to myself, reserved, introvert. Just recently I got diagnosed with Gestational diabetes and had not told her about it. Only people who knew were my mother in law and father in law and my husband. So while we were having dinner, she made a comment saying "dont forget to prick yourself" . It felt very sarcastic. I dont care about who told her but more so how she brought it up. Mind you when these little things happened that irritate me, I don't react or say anything because we all get together often and I don't want to have issues within the family. But I might make a face lol I can't hide my face . Like I'm pretty sure she knows those things bother me and she still does it... i want to know what other people think and if im over reacting, like she definitely has something towards me.
