wtf do I do
I'm temporarily living with my MIL, partner and baby (6mo). I found in my underwear drawer sexy panties that. are. not. mine. Thinking it got mixed with my MIL's, I left it in her room. She gave it back, said it couldn't be hers.
Last weekend I had kind of a big fight with my partner, and he said he wasn't happy, and resented me a little. I went to my mom's house and stayed there 2 days. He unplugged the baby cam.
We talked, and decided we're both doing some changes so we're better as a couple. He's not very sexual, I suspect he's a bit depressed, and we've only had sex twice since baby was born.
I used to make jokes about him cheating (when he was glued to his phone texting I would said things like "Oh, tell your lover I said hi!" and stuff like that, and he laughed or act like annoyed I even thought something like that. I don't joke like that anymore, and haven't for a long time tho. When I told him it was a VERY strange situation, and said I couldn't imagine how did those panties ended up in my drawer he got weird. I DON'T KNOW, I feel I might be confusing intuition with anxiety, but he said I was just as suspicious as him, and when I told him how so? he said I could've brought them by mistake from my mom's house. Then I said it wasn't possible, and asked how would he react if underwear that wasn't his just APPEARED in his drawer, and he said "It has happened, and I wasn't dramatic about it". THAT'S BS. Now my stomach hurts and my chest hurts, and I can't stop spiraling over this.
I have never checked his phone, and neither has he. We trust each other, I know his password, and if I need to look something up I use his phone sometimes, and it isn't a big deal. If I check it and he finds out he will feel disrespected (if he went through my phone, even tho I have nothing to hide, I would feel so hurt).
But I fear if I don't check, I might never know if he cheated. He's a very good liar (although he hasn't lied to me, I think...) and he probably knows if I found out he cheated we are completely done. No second chances. So if I just ask him directly, I fear he might just lie and deny it. But if I check his phone and there's nothing I'm going to feel so guilty...
Please help. I'm going crazy.