Please be honest with me ..

He sounds kinda mean. He needs to unlearn the unhealthy example of a parent that he was shown as a child and do better. Telling a four-year-old child to shut up is uncalled for, and the way he spoke to you was uncalled for as well. Hopefully you can have another conversation where he can actually listen and understand what you’re trying to tell him.

I think you’re right except I wouldn’t correct him in front of her and keep that conversation for when you’re alone.

I’ll never understand the “I was hit and cursed at, and look at me? so it’s fine if I’m no better and I have no interest to be better” mentality.

He’s projecting and gaslighting you cause he knows he’s the bad one for shouting at your daughter.
The mental gymnastics to make you the bad parent for your daughter crying in the car, crying doesn’t mean bad behaviour or bad values.

He's being mean to you and your child. I get that he had a bad childhood, but he's an adult. He is more than capable of doing a little self-reflection and growing.

I'm assuming he would not be open to therapy? If he would be, I would strongly recommend it. He needs to heal and be better for his children and you.

My father had a horrible childhood and while he wasn't the best father, he was leagues better than his father and he did his best to be the dad he wanted/deserved. Men can grow and heal, they just need to acknowledge their issues and work on them.

Sending you lots of love.

I think none of us want anyone to tell a child that young to shut up. And the things our parents did… they did due to stress and lack of information that we have now. The only thing i do suggest is to talk to your husband gently if you “correcting” him in front of the kid to show somewhat respect and not to undermine him. But definitely perhaps share some videos from social media about that type of parenting etc and how it negatively impacts a child.