advice
so i’ve been with my partner for 5 years now. i got pregnant when we had been together for 3 years and we were on the verge of breaking up because he prioritised living his life and being with his friends. when i found out i was pregnant it was rough. he would constantly change his mind and say he wanted me to keep it then say he didn’t want to be a dad. it was on and off like that for months. at around 3/4 months pregnant we came to the conclusion that we would keep it and it was all fine. a week later he then said he wasn’t ready to be a dad so i told him this was unfair and manipulative since he was holding my belly and talking to it so i told him ill get an abortion but i cannot stay with him. it was a bit argument but we eventually kept the pregnancy (obviously).
time passed and he eventually became really good by helping me eat and shower and shave. he was amazing leading up to birth. i then gave birth to my beautiful boy last march and that’s where it all went downhill. he wanted his mum to come into the birthing room before i had even gotten up and cleaned myself up. i obviously said absolutely not and that caused some issues. i moved back in with my mum so she could help out with everything as i was only 19 at the time. i had strict rules of no one coming round without asking and they can’t stay past 6pm. it was okay to begin with but then my partners mum would come round whenever and stay until 9pm!!! around this time my partner was also going out and meeting his friends all the time and not helping out without son. i told him i couldn’t live like this and if he didn’t change i would leave him. we went on a break for about a week and he sorted himself out and it was great.
these past couple of months has been horrible. he has completely stopped prioritising me and my son. he doesn’t know our sons routine. he’s always with his friends and his opening hanging out with people who have a problem with me. none of his money goes on us (apart from the few occasions where i ask him if i have no money whatsoever). i told him that im not happy in our relationship anymore and if he doesn’t change whats more important to him he will lose us. we are now on another break as of yesterday and i don’t know what to do.
i love him dearly and have obviously been with him for a long time but i just am not happy in the relationship and i dont want our son to grow up with parents that are together just because we’ve been together for so long. i want to believe that he’ll change his ways but this has been a running problem throughout our relationship.
PLEASE HELP ME 🙏🏻
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Congratulations for your son XX you are a great mama , my advice is to take your time in taking a decision.
Men find it difficult to be fathers they don't have the hormones like us to feel immediately connected and attached to our babies.
I suppose he is young too and he needs time to realise he's priorities are changed now.
Please take in consideration that your choice will affect the baby future too.
Give him time and be patient if he's not aggressive and treats you badly,if he doesn't respect you and he's abusive you have to leave him.
You both sound super young. From what you've said he wants to be young and enjoy himself without a partner and kids. Understandable at your ages, tbh!
But he has responsibilities now so has to at least step up and support financially. If this were me I'd leave the relationship and put him on child support. If he's really not been involved and doesn't know your child's routine and isn't willing to learn it then I'd go for full custody, too. That can always be reconfigured as your child gets older and if he gets more involved.
On his mother, thank her for coming but kick her out at 6pm. It's not a boundary if you're not actually sticking to it. I'd stop all communication with her directly and have it all go through her son - maybe she'll encourage him to step up. But if not, managing her is still the last thing you need right now so I would avoid.
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