I just need to be heard I think…

Tough one for me to share hence being anonymous but I just need to check I’m not crazy or in the wrong…

I split with my partner when my LO was 6 weeks old and I left in a really bad way mentally. The relationship was emotionally abusive and coercive and I almost lost my family as a result. Ex partner dictated my birth, family weren’t even present for the first 6 weeks and it crushed me.

Since then he’s seeing my LO a maximum of once a week. I don’t drive so he blames travel, my decision to end the relationship, basically anything I do or say is pulled into question.

When he does have our LO, he rings if he’s not settling and says our son doesn’t like him or his house anymore because he’s living elsewhere. I send him with everything even prepared homemade purred foods. If I don’t sit him down and tell him what to do I’m at fault.

He’s cancelled seeing our boy to paint his house, work overtime and today he rearranged at 9:45 when he was supposed to be having him overnight.

He’s in a full time stable job but criticised me for challenging the overtime when it came at the expense of time with our LO and he blew up, saying he needs the money for childcare and increasing costs.

Few bug bears with that;

He uses recreational drugs every weekend;
He constantly lends money and isn’t managing his finances
He’s out at the pub now instead of seeing his son.

I’m constantly gaslit and manipulated me but I’ve begged and pleaded for consistency for our son and also for me so I can get some downtime to replenish my cup, as much as it fills me with guilt I care for our son 99% of the time.

The work is elective but somehow I’m wrong in his view…

Am I? Wrong for asking for consistency and help?

Footnote he helped for 2 weeks post c section around the house but I did every night feed, every daytime feed and I did everything when he returned to work after PAT leave.

I feel like I’m begging for the bare minimum 💔

in our community

Weaning

Anyone else’s baby already obsessed with food. She’s just turned 5 months and we haven’t started weaning but I feel terrible as anytime I’m eating something, she’s constantly reaching to grab a bite

What is everyone’s arrangement with grandparents? In terms of food

My child’s father’s mum has offered to help looking after my little one for three days a week,and I am so so appreciative. I’m not happy as he should be doing it, and having my daughter there means yet again everything is coming out of my pocket. She lives fairly fair away which is costing £20 in travel and obviously time.

I sent my daughter with eveything in terms of snacks, fruit, yogurt drinks and, thought she would feed my daughter as she eats too!
However she has asked me to now bring food for her!

I’m not too clear on other situations but I felt it was quite odd as she offered and I would think that a grandparent would at least cook their grandchild a meal.
Don’t get me wrong I really appreciate it I’m just worried about me spreading myself too thin and finding myself losing out too much for the help.

Her son is worthless so when my daughter is with him I’m paying for things, cause he never has money yet, and when she’s her her nan I’m paying and when she’s with me I’m paying!!!
Like WTF and I barely have any money anyways!

What’s everyone’s usual arrangement?

Do you think it was bad?

So I was alone with a baby for 2.5 days , she is almost 9 months and she is in the stage where she only cries and wants me , she is not sleeping well ( maybe teething idk) and today when my partner arrived home he was so happy to see us , he was like “ I missed you bla bla bla “ and hugs ( sweet no?) but I could not help myself but be so tired and annoyed, like I’m happy that you are happy but I’m not , and unfortunately I could not be super happy and all nice , even though I tried , I just gave him the baby and went to the bathroom for as long as possible . Do you think I’m being bad person for that? I feel bad for not greeting him nice but at the same time come ooooon

Should she pay for the broken toy?

So my SIL has older kids (11 and 13) they came over to visit for my son’s birthday earlier. Last week he had gotten a smaller bouncy house for inside from my parents, It’s supposed to only be for smaller kids.

My husband and I weren’t paying attention since we were getting food and what not ready. While we were doing that her kids had gone in the bouncy house and with the weight it popped/broke. When my husband mentioned that it was $100 and that they could either give us the money for it or just buy another one, she didn’t want to. Said it was an accident (I know it kinda was) and that her kids didn’t know better.

Should she buy/pay for a new one? Or do I just get him a new one myself?

Who takes out the trash? And does it being a spouse or roommate change your answer?

Person 1: at least once a week shoves fast food bags or takeout boxes into an almost full trash can (often times falling out) “can’t take it out” because they’re late for work, but are late everyday.

Person 2: can’t make breakfast for self or kids without first taking out the trash, and works from home.

The long version: My husband and sister are feuding because my sister is always overfilling the trash can, and leaves it for my husband to take out. She argues that she is running late, so she can’t take it out. He says she’s already 10 minutes late, so what’s the difference in being 11 minutes late? She think trash is his job because it was always our dad’s appointed job. He says if she wants a man doing her dirty work she needs to go find her own lol
If it was me he wouldn’t care to take it out, but he’s not her husband and we’ve spent the last year (time living with her) trying to show her we are not her parents and she needs to take care of herself.

Husband's secretary😅

I think I am not very GEN Z and progressive as so many other women 😅 my husband entered a business partnership 1,5 years ago and started having so much workload (which is a financially good thing) that he wasn't able to keep up with emails and calls anymore and started slacking in the growth of the business. What we did then was, I was basically his secretary and doing some help for him here and there and he was "paying me" for that for much more money per hour you would usually get. We took it also with spice and humour and would constantly flirt on phone calls and the payslips he sent me on my email contained spicy stuff and even on the wages transfer etc. It was fun times. Then basically I was heavily pregnant and was less reliable and he found a way to keep paying that money to me and even doubled it even though I didnt help him anymore so financially it was amazing still.

Now he got a new secretary because he is still drowning in the work and they are on video call all day the whole week so far because he has to train her in and share his desktop and work accounts and stuff and they have to go together through phone calls and my husband is an extremely casual boss. He makes jokes all the time, he is just his usual self, when she makes mistakes he is very understanding and gentle on her and she laughs about the jokes etc. And I am so thankful to my husband for everything. The calls happen with me present often and he is completely transparent and apart from that I trust him from the bottom of my heart.

But there is still this little pinch, an ouchie 😅 I used to be with him on these calls and working with him etc and he never worked with any woman together before, he only ever used to be in jobs where all colleagues were male.

I don't know, am I normal for feeling a tiny "ouchie" when I ask him how his day at work went and he replies: "Yeah good, I was with *name* on the videocall all day". 🫠😂

Pls tell me I am normal and women experience this without a lack of trust or self confidence 😅🙏🏼