Am I wrong for wanting to deliver my son on my own then have his dad meet him after?
To start off, I already feel bad about even considering not letting him in the room. My baby’s father has been the worst person to go through pregnancy with. He was in jail the first trimester Jan-Apr, and on house arrest from Apr-Jul. He held down a job for three weeks while on house arrest and has yet to get another job. I’ve been working since May and plan on working until the baby gets here. On top of that he’s been the most difficult person ever. He downplays everything and treats my emotions like it’s just pregnancy and I’m being dramatic. I moved in with him and his family once he got out of jail and has since moved back in with my family because of the disrespect. It’s been nothing but emotional and verbal abuse from him and has been supported by all his family. His mom recently texted me the nastiest text and basically berated me talking about I’m trying to keep my son from his father. Keep in mind, the son in question ain’t even here yet. I’m 8 months pregnant and have literally felt red flags in my body from him and his family. I would like to give birth on my own and not have anyone ruining the moment but I don’t want to fit into a bitter baby mama stereotype. I have no issues with him being around his son, but if you couldn’t even support me correctly through pregnancy,
I have no clue how you’d be any kind of help in the delivery room. Does anyone have a similar situation or even just advice on how to handle this? I’ve even thought about letting him watch but not allowing him to touch or speak to me but he’s known to be controlling and will do whatever he sees fit. Maybe I can put those boundaries in place and the minute he breaks them he can leave? I don’t know. PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!!
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You can let him know when you go into the hospital and allow him to meet the baby shortly after your son is delivered. The hospital can arrange the timing for you. He does not need to be present as it would just be a giant distraction and source of discomfort during an already profoundly uncomfortable situation. Write it into your birth plan and let the nurses carry it out for you. Don't feel guilty at all. Men in the delivery room is a very modern trend. I'm sorry they have been so terrible and hope things improve over time. Wishing you a safe and swift delivery. 🪻
It sounds to me like you already know your answer! If he is everything that you say he is, he does not deserve access to you while your mind and body is in its most vulnerable state and making labor anymore stressful on you than it needs to be. Your main focus is getting baby here safely, not his feelings. Who cares about the “bitter bm” stereotype. YOU have carried him for almost 9 months. YOU are going to be bringing him into this world. If he was supportive and hasn’t downplayed how hard pregnancy is, then maybe it’d be a different story. Yes it’s his son, but access is granted when you treat the mother with dignity and respect throughout. He hasn’t earned it. Keep your peace momma! Labor & delivery is hard, don’t make it harder on yourself with people who drain your spirit!
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